No one’s sure of the casualties, but French peacekeepers are in, and it’s getting ugly. MZone is on the ground, and it’s not pretty on the streets of Columbus:

Oh, the humanity: Columbus falls into a state of anarchy.

Following in the footsteps of Liberty City Warriors coach Luther Campbell, rock and roll’s moll king Lemmy Kilmeister has entered the realm of youth sports patronage: Motorhead will sponsor an under-ten youth soccer team in England. Deathless Deathful prose follows:

“I knew Lemmy years ago and for him, I think the thought of a football team running out with the Motorhead logo made him chuckle a bit, so that’s where it’s come from.”

He added: “The hope is that we can go out on the football pitch and terrorise the opponents and come away worthy winners.”

Watching yellow-carded youngsters reply by pulling an ace of spades from their back pockets and headbanging their way off the field…that’s mentorship, baby.

For that perverse and generous act, we nominate our second mustache of the day, repeat winner Lemmy Kilmister. This song will make you shit your pants with glee and rage-that is if you don’t immediately commandeer an old P-38 and immediately begin strafing the hell out of anything that moves after hearing it.

Trick question, shithead: Lemmy IS god.

Mac Pyle, OL for the Vanderbilt Commodores, ees a real man high five for his bold decision to grow his Merced Meth Lab Owner special.

Whose business is it if I’ve got a 500 gallon tank of Sudafed in the back, huh? I get allergies, man.

From the City Paper, the only real news source in Nashville besides our aunt:

A Florida defensive lineman, fooled by the mustache into believing Pyle was too old to play college football, asked Pyle if he had served a tour of duty in Iraq before returning to Vanderbilt.

A mustache that makes others assume you’ve killed, and may kill again? Hat tips and bravos to you and your dick duster, sir.

Oh, the heartbreak of spectacular failure at the highest levels of college football. We would mean that if the vile nepotism behind the FSU/Jeff Bowden debacle had ended with a simple resignation letter and Jeff Bowden scanning the want ads. Its pulse, however, beats on even as Jeff whiles away the rest of his days as OC playing Golden Tee in the coaches’ offices and calling investors to inquire about those exciting KFC franchise opportunities he’s heard so much about. (Clue, Jeff: take no investment tips from your brother.)

From CNNSI.com:

The school’s boosters will pay $537,000 as part of a deal leading to Bowden’s decision Tuesday to leave. The resignation takes effect Nov. 26, a day after the season finale against Florida.

Bowden — youngest son of head coach Bobby Bowden — retains his present $141,000 salary until his present contract expires next August. He then will receive annual payments of $107,500 until August 2012.

…for sitting on his ass and having the last name ‘Bowden.’ Everyone has their price, though. We understand that [NAME REDACTED] still has his free Applebees’ Gator account card, and racks up riblets like you wouldn’t believe on Jeremy Foley’s tab in Champaign-Urbana. Hey, you think Arrelious Benn committed just for the opportunity to play immediately and the fun of doing bench press challenges with his coach? No way. Sweet riblets brought him to Illini, and we will hear nothing else.*

The power of Riblets: never underestimate it.

*Like [NAME REDACTED]…well, doing everything imaginable to get Benn on the team. The rumors are so ridiculous we almost have to believe them, but then we get that icky feeling we always get when discussing the dirty business of recruiting.

**More fun from the Trib article on Benn: “”It’s a no-brainer,” he told the Washington Post. “They’re only a couple of players away from turning the corner. They’re playing a lot of young guys and throwing the ball a lot.” You have to do that when you’re behind. In every game. Oh, how we hate that man. Time is the fire in which we burn, and we spent three long years on a dismal slow roast with the guy who’ll forever be “only a couple of players away.”

Blogpoll Wednesdays are always chaotic, and usually involve submitting Blogpoll ballots in a hurried and incomprehensible fashion. And today is no different.

Comments and apologies follow-and there’s plenty to be made. BTW, pay no attention to the arrows and deltas. Not sure what’s going on with them, but we can confirm that we did not have Ohio State below Boise last week.

Apocalypse at 1,2. This Saturday. Bring your blue cobalt glass blast goggles. After that, the deluge, since the rankings will get very exotic, indeed.

Saturday in Columbus. You have become death, destroyer of worlds, Jim Tressel…

USC at 3. It would be great to go ahead and make a bold statement by putting USC lower (SEC fans all together:“Oregon fucking State?”) Yes, but since they’re the only team whose schedule compares to Florida and they’re still covered in the glitter of OMG USC BEST EVR 2005, everyone’s going to have them up there anyway. They get three games to validate the carryover, and will lose one of them. We’re making a Clinton thumnb on top of fist gesture as we say this, which polls as very trustworthy yet authoritative. But if you disagree, well, wait a week, and in the meantime let Pete answer your criticisms for us.

Florida at 4. Looking like Ohio State 2001, but without the geneticist at quarterback. They just don’t lose, even if their d-line seems committed to smoking their way off the team one member at a time. USC didn’t get dropped for squeaky losses early, and neither will Florida. Again, see Pete’s response above for our rebuttal, and blame the rest on the fact that we’d take a bullet for Reggie Nelson at this point.

Arkansas. We’ll rank them above Florida once they beat LSU by putting Darren McFadden at punter and running upback fakes for touchdowns on three consecutive drives. Since Gus Malzahn seems to be stealing our whole NCAA 2007 cheapie playbook and implementing a new wrinkle each week, this would be the only possible new gambit left in the bag.

Rutgers. Yeah, Rutgers. If you’re going to pimp every other Big East team smashing teams with half a pulse, you must credit Rutgers, too. The only reason not to rank them this high is “they’re Rutgers,” which is crap crap crap. The offense is rush-heavy sludger, but the defense is a perfect facsimile of Schiano’s Miami Hurricane defenses, flying to the ball, punishing anyone who gets within ten paces of it, and putting savage pressure on quarterbacks to get to the checkdown five seconds ago.

Notre Dame. Default, quality wins…in polls, sometimes progress is defined by other people’s regress. They may be winding their way through the flag football team of the United States Treasury Department next, but Notre Dame is not losing and plays a one-game season to get a slot in a primo BCS bowl. Their only loss came to the de facto co-number one, and they play USC for a final exam. We’ll break out “Yakety Sax” for thatgame if necessary, but not until then.

Our W fetish erupts. Wisconsin and Wake both bump, since they’re brawny, brainy teams capable of beating hides off anyone in the poll on a given night. Wake especially gets zero credit for a mindbendingly simple offense managed by yet another coach with an obviously fake name, the soon-to-be coveted Steed Lobotzke.

Cal down. We’re polling angry here. Cal continues to wax fat on the prestige of a single win against Cal in 2002, and we continue to buy it. They’re the Gators of the early 90s: flashy, coached brilliantly, and yet one or two game-long brainfarts away from dominance.

Hot Boudin, Cold Cous-cous; we lost twice with no excuse. LSU must be blowing up possums with hand grenades in the bayous out of frustration, since the word “ill-starred” only covers half of the bizarro of their season. Their qb fumbles on the one in the Florida game as they’re about to take over the game; they seize against Auburn in a 7-3 game they could have easily won.

LSU: coulda shoulda.

Boise State, go away. They’ll get a BCS spot if all holds. Life’s not fair, so we take our petty revenge by putting them much lower than conventional pollsters because they could not stay on the field with almost anyone on this poll. If they do draw a Texas in the Fiesta, vultures should begin circling in the early second quarter.

Leave your outrages, scandalous critiques, and fan hateporn below. Like any pollster, we deserve it all.

Just days after his one man special teams commando show, Jarvis Moss may be facing suspension. This confirms our suspicions that of all the potential IQ scores on a football team, the d-line must rank damn near the bottom, since they’re the ones usually caught self-administering herbal cures, FnDC, and stealing gay sheep. Florida’s already lost Marcus Thomas at d-tackle to weed/being flat-out dumb earlier this season.

“I’ve heard that too,” Meyer said. “We’re dealing with something right now. I’m not ready to announce that…I don’t want to get into that right now, because I don’t know what’s going to happen,” Meyer said.

The suspension coincides with Florida’s game against Western Carolina, a.k.a. the Battle for the Summer Retirement Home Lot. (Western Carolina being a hotbed for Floridian retirees. In case you ever wondered where Floridians go to retire, the answer is not Cuba. Yet.)

Moss: stumbled.