Yes, it's been fifteen years since this match was consistently competitive. But take a look at the positives: this year, it's like it always was, just with a powerful sponsor emphasis on sobriety! In Jacksonville! YOU'LL ALL BE SOBER...AND IN JACKSONVILLE!!! WOO!!!
President Flair's comment: WOO!!!
To cheer up the glum Georgia fans who believe that a decade and a half of pain will turn 16 years old on Saturday, get its driver's license, and then run over them with mom's SUV, we present these reasons why Georgia, even in defeat, still owns Florida. Never say we didn't give you anything, Georgia, besides our income tax, of course.
10. Governor with redneck name actually resembles redneck, unlike Jeb!, who resembles you your sophomore year in college once the beer weight kicked in.
More Gravy please! Advantage: Georgia.
9. UGA's big trick: rolling on back, looking adorable. Albert the Alligator's big trick: eating your niece. Advantage: Georgia. (Unless your niece happened to deserve it. You never know.)
8. UGA has a definite advantage in zazzy qb names. Use the trio test to illustrate:
Zeier, Bobo, and Shockley: badass progressive rock trio that once made rock opera about an android army that couldn't defeat one enemy: love.
Wuerffel, Bell, and Grossman: a law firm in Palm Beach specializing in motorcycle-on-motorcycle accidents and panther-related law. Advantage: Georgia.
7. Red and Black goes with just about anything, and can be worn in many seasons and situations. Orange and Blue only matches skin tones associated with severe parasitic infections, cholera, or with dementia praecox. Tim Gunn Fashion Points: Georgia.
6. Firing an AR-15 in an apartment complex might, just might earn someone a suspension at the University of Georgia. Advantage: Georgia.
5. Athens contains the highest concentration of bars in a single urban area for a town of its size in the nation. Gainesville has the Top and...the Top and...TGI Friday's.
4. Atlanta is the city too busy too hate. Miami is the city that just fucking hates you and wants you to die, cabron, die die die. Advantage: Georgia.
3. Georgia is to Ludacris as Florida is to...Creed. Chicken 'n Beer, Georgia.
2. Georgia: largely illiterate population preys on local grouse, deer, and squirrels.
Florida: largely illiterate population preys on gullible, senile retirees and tourists.
There's your cheesecake for the day, bitches.Advantage: Georgia.
1. Mark Richt: adopts two Ukranian orphans out of the kindness of his heart.
Urban Meyer: would likely eat two Ukranian orphans to win an SEC championship.
Advantage: Richt, but barely.