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Red shoes. A throughly average in-conference record. A voice that simultaneously manages to be squeaky and gravelly at the same time. A sweet rack. All of these things and more spell A-M-A-T-O, the most mockable piece of coachmeat in the ACC. We'd make more fun of him, but if we have any sway as an arbiter of college football satire, we'll blow it all on this statement: The Charlotte Observer has finished Amato at NC State so you don't have to.

It's a minute too long, one verse too many, and will make those uncomfortable with regional satire cringe. Given that, it's vicious, funny, and smart-bomb accurate.