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BOOTY HIGHLIGHTS.

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We're a little behind the curve here, in case you didn't notice. We just bought a pair of the deckest jeans; they're really big everywhere, but especially through the pant legs, so you walk around like you just don't give a fuck or something. And this rap group Onyx? They're just awesome. And just in case you haven't had one yet, the Big Montana at Arby's is off the chain! Especially with gobs of horsey sauce. Eat one of those and you're ready to start your own 'zine or something.

One last thing we have to turn you on to: USC football. We've been sitting around the EDSBS offices leafing through our old ESPN Magazines, and we've come to a crazee conclusion. (It's not wack--just crazee! Like Crazee Bone from Bone Thugz 'N Harmony, the awesome singing rap group from Cleveland or Omaha or someplace like that. They'll see you at the crossroads right after the first of the month.)

That crazee idea is this: we think Pete Carroll's gonna be all right at USC. In fact, we think they might be national championship contenders when it's all said and done. You know, once they shake off the cobwebs from the Paul Hackett years. With some phenomenal recruiting under his belt, he may be ready to say WASSUP!!! to success. WASSSSSSUUUUUUUP!

Trojan Wire's got this video of their new quarterback John David Booty, who's really lucky to be a person with three names not in jail for multiple murder or a sex crime. The video makes it look like USC's got some talent on offense, which has totally been lacking since Keyshawn Johnson took his damn ball and left town. We've only got one problem with the video: do you want to make a video of your qb playing to a song that talks about how "it's going down?" What? Him? That's bad in one way, as in getting sacked, and ambiguous in another way.

Now if you'll excuse us, we've got to feed our Tamagotchi. Adieu.