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[NAME REDACTED] may not have been a lot of things when he was coach at Florida: beloved, coherent, successful when it counted, or even prepared. But one thing he was: a great recruiter. Right? THE MAN HAD A WATERPROOF CELL PHONE SO HE COULD TAKE IT IN THE SHOWER, dammit. (That's dedication for you, there, though the idea of a grown man calling us when naked and begging doesn't exactly appeal to the senses.)

We wouldn't let facts complicate that, of course. Like the fact that Florida's draft picks in the NFL dwindled each year, or more damning still, that according to the Gainesville Sun the 49 blue-chip recruits [NAME REDACTED] brought to the university in '03 and '04 have dwindled to 23 still with the team. We'd always assumed that as clueless as he was, the dunderheaded choke artist/waterski aficionado could recruit--it turns out he may not even be able to do that effectively.

"Keeping half your recruits is like losing half your bad ones. It's correctable."