Bobby Bowden, when not sleepy, still wings ‘em hot and fresh at the boys in the press pool. (We’re pretty sure this is precisely what Bobby would call them, too, even if he was staring a female reporter straight in the ovaries.)

Guess which ones are actual Bobby Bowden quotes. Bonus points will be awarded for fake Bobby quotes we wished were real submitted below.

Bobby Bowden Quote Challenge

1. On Seminoles avoiding trouble this offseason: “I can’t say it’s good because, if I do, tomorrow there’ll be a bank robbery.”

2. On crown molding: “It’s a way to accentuate existing value or introduce value into a home. I just can’t get enough of the stuff. It’s just classic, fabulous American design.”

3. On his race with Joe Paterno: “I look in the obituary section every day to see if he’s still out there.”

4. On Chuck Amato: “I like ‘em chesty. A girl like that’ll show you a time, I tell you what. Don’t use that quote.”

5. On the current Lebanese/Israeli crisis:”Detente was no longer an option, obviously, though I feel Ehud Olmert reacted too strongly to the perceived threat. Clearly what occurred here deviated from the strategic due to political stimuli, a wager that has not paid off handsomely for Mr. Olmert and his party. By the way, I think Jeffy would kick ass as an Israeli commando. That boy can do any damn thing he sets his mind to, dadgummit.”

6. On Steve Spurrier: “Heard he’s gay. Dancing nancy. Likes it rough like a sailor, from what I hear. Don’t use that quote.”

7. On who he likes in the next FSU/Miami game if it comes down to a field goal try: “Who’s kicking, us or them?”

8. On naptime: “Mmm. Naptime…so…sleepy…”

Bowden, showing the gams in days before naptime sounded so, so good.

Answers: 1, 3, and 7, unfortunately.

View From Rocky Top performs the final inquest for the Vols’ season ‘05, and uses the whole tool belt to get to it including resorting to Malcolm Gladwell to figure out just how that much talent got plowed under by a rogue wave of mediocrity.

Paul, ever attuned to the emotional well-being of Georgia Tech Fans, highlights a painful quandary faced by Georgia Tech fans on Sept. 2nd: the Notre Dame game coming on just as Dragon Con’s getting into full swing.

Read Paul’s post for the full sting (pun horribly intended,) but know this: the post makes use of a Venture Brothers clip featuring an uproarious use of Holst’s “Mars” from The Planets. 5/4 time never sounded so funny.

(What he doesn’t mention is that the game will end in plenty of time for Tech dorks determined to score with women sandwiched into corsets-and there are plenty of them at Dragon Con-to get back for the world’s ugliest round of sex parties this side of the Love Parade in Berlin. Don’t ask how we know this.)

Tech fans, fear not. You may gladiate with lusty Trekkie wenches and catch Chan Gailey fever all in the same day.

It’s old blog hat to take a columnist you despise-oh, how we hate that dog Waffles-and parse through their latest crashing pile of two-sentence paragraphs demolishing shaky assumptions, highlighting tired language pulled straight from the hack’s scrapheap, and flicking them a firm middle finger for three or four sustained paragraphs. But Mike Bianchi just begs for it on a weekly basis, spewing out the finger-wagging sports bar talk radio crapulence you’d expect from Philly sports talk radio, not a columnist for a healthy-sized paper. (Should Terrell Owens be shot out of a cannon for glancing angrily at a camera today? Yankees Red Sox A-Rod blah!)

Since he’s already referred to as “Shecky” Bianchi by WATB, we can’t take that angle. (Though he refers to himself as a “wise-guy columnist,” which makes us think of Bruno Kirby in Good Morning Vietnam. Give Bianchi three more weeks and he’ll bust out a column as Frenchy, the lovable Frenchman.) We could call him just plain grade-A historically wrong here, which feels right enough for blogdom.

“Judy Tenuta! Right after Mike Bianchi! Two for one wine coolers at the bar, people!”

The quote in question:
It’s more fun to watch them win because of their undying passion. It’s more fun to watch them lose because of their undeniable pomposity.

Once again, we defer to the legendary sportswriter Dan Jenkins, who once wrote of the Gators: “They have the tradition of Wake Forest and the arrogance of Notre Dame.”

Legendary is a tired word. (more…)

We’re not sure if a Clemson student made this, but if they did it’s the best example of pre-emptive self-satire we’ve ever seen. First, watch:

Gold stars for:

-using the theme music from “Alf”

-picturing a Clemson student playing a pile of garbage and calling him a “scamp”

-Mentioning that Tommy Bowden also happened to be the coach of Clemson.

(HT: Nathan.)

There’s drinking. And then there’s drankin’. And then again, there’s orchestrated suicide with a liquid flair, as in what Ohio State sophomore offensive lineman Alex Boone was doing to himself before getting help in May.

Boone, a sophomore starter and former Parade All-American, said he was routinely downing 30 to 40 beers per day, a pattern of bingeing that began in high school and escalated when he arrived at OSU.

Sure, he weighed 350 pounds at the time, you say. Being twice the size of a normal person, that’s only like drinking 15-20 beers for a regular type dude/lady. And who hasn’t done that? At least once? Before waking up in a shipping container full of illegal Chinese immigrants? That’s what we thought. But just to tally the astonishing amount of calories washing into his system over the course of a day and guess at just how desperate a chemical landscape Boone’s system was, let’s do some math.

Assume it was a light day:

30 beers times 140 calories (Budweiser): 5,200 calories a day. That’s what most lineman eat in the building phase just to maintain weight.

The surprising thing: assuming a waking day of 12 hours-standard for a college student lifting a lot of weights and drinking beer all day-Boone would have been hovering above a .19 BAC by the time he went to bed on a 30 beer day. That’s very, very, very drunk; Boone’s lucky his liver didn’t file for asylum after prolonged abuse on that scale. And now watch us say something positive about Ohio State: all credit is due to Boone for seeking help and to Ohio State for supporting him in the process of recovery. We know, mark it on your calendars.

Best of luck to Boone in life post-booze.

He could drink several cases of beer a day without incident. You, even if you’re a football player, can’t.