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POLL VOTING IRREGULARITIES ANGER PUNDIT CLASS

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Steve Spurrier, per tradition, cast his single vote for Duke at 25 in the first edition of the coaches' poll last week, angering some who don't know Spurrier's history of paying homage to the first collegiate employer to hire him as a head coach.* Spurrier's ceremonial vote did prompt an investigation into polling in general and the sometimes questionable voting by less heralded members of the polling community, both in the Coaches' Poll and in the Harris Poll, an integral part of the BCS formula whose voters are often scarcely connected to college football at all.

For example:

--Voter Ed Singletary cast a number one vote for Harvard despite the fact that Harvard is not a Division One school and has not won so much as a piece of a national championship in football since 1920. "In all things, the Crimson ride first!" said the eccentric billionaire and heir to a massive codfishing fortune from atop his chattering, mint-condition jalopy on the Singletary estate on Monday. "As with all things, I blame the excesses of gin, the sin of Onan, and the endless meddling of the Jews for dear old Harvard's brief and temporary downfall." Mr. Singletary then bid us good-day, but only after informing our interviewer that he would be spending the rest of the day perusing the grounds of his estate in his platinum-plated Lark, and there was not a thing we could do to stop him.

--The single vote for Arizona State at number one came from voter Satan Beelzebub, a longtime member of the AP poll and a new voter in the Harris Poll. "It's strictly a matter of opinion, and that's why the asked me to vote. It's just that simple," said Mr. Beelzebub via phone interview Tuesday. "I normally would have cast my normal vote for Florida State due to my longtime partnership with them, but I have my own reasons for supporting the Sun Devils. Now if you'll excuse me, I have flesh to lash, souls to burn, and a lunch appointment at The Modern to make. Ciao."


Would love to chat, but has souls to burn ASAP.

--Mike Lupica's poll was disqualified after the veteran Northeastern Sportswriter included several professional teams in his ballot, including the embarrassing listing of the New England Patriots at number one and the submission of the New York Jets twice at spots 8 and 13. When reached for comment by phone, Lupica replied by repeating the words "That's just Manny being Manny" until our correspondent hung up.

--A still stranger ballot came from "Glorthar the Indomitable and his Undeniable Henchman Zeeg", a pair of Harris Poll voters with no known listed contact information. The actual ballot, obtained via an inside source, is presented below:

For obvious reasons, the ballot was discounted.

*Or understand that Spurrier loves being a smartass. Or dick. Your call, really.