Thanks to the boys from BlueFlake Coffee Importers for the…um, coffee. We were feeling a bit pooped there but woooo try and stop us now!!! May we have a tissue here, please? Remember, for all your Miami coffee needs, call BlueFlake. Payment accepted in cash and firearms only.

The EDSBS telethon, entering its final day of action, has seen some spectacular donations on the part of our viewership. Our lowball goal was $1300 dollars, just enough to cover the expense of a dedicated server for the year. We’re being pulled off the ceiling now as we report that we’re up to $1462 in donations, including a sizeable chunk from Notre Dame fans who are displaying their taste for lowbrow humor as well as their impressive purchasing power. Despite this we vow to maintain our freewheeling editorial independence, since presumably that’s what they’re paying for here.

Oh so sexy, perfect for me…did we mention Charlie Weis is the smartest football coach alive? And that Notre Dame girls are hot? And that yes, you can see that in South Bend?

So don’t expect us to take it easy on you, Irish!

Man, that’s pretty. Have we ever mentioned how pretty that is?

In addition to the server money, one eccentric wealthy donor has agreed to purchase a video camera for us so that we can take our own tailgate glory videos and engage in some hopefully entertaining amateur anthropology and one man commentaries on the season. We plan to do this just to prove that we have a face made for the internet.

We’ll shill for one more day and call it a done deal, but having cruised into the “Purchasing Photoshop and Beer” portion of the accounting we simply want to urge those who haven’t contributed to toss in a buck or two, and to thank those who donated so generously to our cause. If you wondered what the money’s getting you, let us just remind you below

One dedicated server: 1300 dollars.

Two bloggers shaving valuble work time off to post like fiends for the season: Thousands of dollars in lost man-hours.

The happiness we feel when we find something like this:

PRICELESS.

Thanks again to all, and we’ll give you the totals tomorrow.

-O.

Preseason hype darling Oklahoma will likely lose some of their media allure following the breaking news that starting quarterback Rhett Bomar has been dismissed from the team.  The allegation is not a sexy one, but a major problem to be sure.  Bomar reportedly was being paid for a hours not actually worked at a summer job. 

OUCH!!!!!

In a bold move by the Vols to keep up the reputation of the program and their esteemed… and fat…. coach, freshman tight end Lee Smith courageously stepped up to the plate and got an on-campus DUI.  Points to Tennessee, but we don’t see them catching SJSU. 

Fulmer celebrates the Vols points.

Myles Brand: what does he do? Where does he eat his rubber chicken? And how does someone with a Ph.D. in philosophy make 800K a year? These and other questions are things we’d like to know, so we wrote Josh Centor, the overseer of Mondays With Myles, to see if we could get in touch with the dean of the NCAA. The exchange, in chronological order, is posted below in full:

From: Orson Swindle [mailto:harumphharumph@yahoo.com]
Sent: Wednesday, July 26, 2025 3:22 PM
To: Centor, Joshua
Subject: Re: NCAA Blog

Joshua-

Can we talk with Myles? In a non-Ali G, serious interview way?

-O.

Orson’s trying to talk to Myles.

Orson –

In our last podcast before we took a break, Dr. Brand said that he’d like to hear from listeners. I’d be love to take your questions and devote a podcast to asking them to Dr. Brand (as long as they are serious questions). I could credit your blog as having submitted the questions and you can post the conversation that way. What are you thoughts?

Best,
Josh

Josh Centor
NCAA
Coordinator of New Media Communications
317-917-6232
317-917-6831 (fax)

—-Original Message—-
From: Orson Swindle [mailto:harumphharumph@yahoo.com]
Sent: Wednesday, July 26, 2025 5:38 PM
To: Centor, Joshua
Subject: RE: NCAA Blog

I have thoughts, but they would have to appear wholesale, unedited, and unchanged. I’ll do the favor of not dirtying them up with our usual rough language.

Sound doable?

-O.

“Centor, Joshua” wrote:
Send me the questions you’d like to ask, and as long as they’re not offensive and relate to issues, I’ll ask them the way they are and won’t change a word. (more…)

In nòmine Patris, et Fìlii, et Spìritus Sancti.

Amen

Please be seated.

Members of the congregation, here on this Mustache Wednesday, we mark the official beginning of the liturgical season we call Football Advent.

The Pope told us it’s Football Advent now. Yeah, we roll like that.

Football Advent is a time of immense anticipation, of anxiety, and of joy. Coolers and refrigerators will be stocked. Tickets will be nervously thumbed. Gameday Packages will be purchased with monies that were originally earmarked for food, shelter, or anniversary presents. Work productivity will spiral as your attention slowly turns to piles of preseason mags, “classic” games being rebroadcast on ESPN Classic and CSS (“Miss State-Alabama 84? Who needs to eat dinner? WOOO!!!”)

So as we stand just 29 days shy of Football Christmas, we will celebrate the arrival of our impending saviors and their attendant demigods. And as we do that, we will open a box on our Advent calendar to reveal another facet of the game we love. Today:

The announcer: Ron Franklin.

Legions of them, and all of them chirping away as their words fly wirelessly through the heavens and into your ears: the announcers, the commentators, the punditry, the men who make up the advance recon of college football season. They’ll be fighting on the screen in mock-hostile voices before a helmet gets so much as dinged, so we praise them now for filling the interim with bountiful barrelsful of blather, bloviation, balderdash, bunkum and bull.

Behold!

-Musberger, and his attendant demigod Jack Arute, who will be doing what he always does for Brent this season: driving his man-sized ass home from the bar in a midget sprint car.

-Rece Davis, and his admirable restraint in not starting a doomed fistfight with the pelt-’stached Mark May on a daily basis.

-The Silver Fox, Ron Franklin, whose voice alone is a crackling fire on a cold night no matter how warm it might actually be where you are.

-Uncle Verne, the dictionary’s illustration for “avuncular”

-Bob Davie, who despite never discovering the wonders of sunscreen has turned himself into a fine footbaw commentator.

-Kirk Herbstreit, who your wife/girlfriend is writing an email to right now, complete with attachments most definitely labeled NSFW. The sick part is: if you knew, you’d send him a letter asking him how he liked them.

-Mike Gottfried, who’d just like to be left alone, dammit.

-Chris Spielman, the Visigothannouncer, who’ll be in the booth as soon as he’s through killing this moose with his bare hands.

-Larry Munson, who’s currently taking the word “restraint” and drowning it in a bathtub as he’s done for damn near thirty years now. Or stepping on its face with a hobnailed boot. Either way, we’re working on stealing him from UGA as we speak, which has a success probability of -0.01 percent.

They arrive-praise them now, since you’ll spend the rest of the season alternately mancrushing on them or praying for their on-camera demise.

Happy Football Advent. Day one is concluded. Ite, missa est.

Deo Gratias

Brandon Ting, the USC safety who left the team recently to “focus on preparing for med school” along with his twin brother, tested positive for steroids last winter. As every other blog and paper on the planet is positing, we suppose this might have had something to do with his quick exit from the team. (HT: Josh.)

Ting’s dad has one very interesting client: Barry Bonds.

More later…