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WE'RE ROOTING FOR ANARCHY

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Ah, the beautiful preseason… that magical time of year where anything’s possible and everyone’s still got a shot at glory. Even in College Station, the season still holds promise.

And the preseason is also that perfect time of year for a nice game of “what if.” What if Notre Dame fields a competitive defense? What if any team in the Pac 10 fields a competitive defense? What if Mark Mangino impregnated Rosanne Barr? Would the political climate on abortion change in this country?

Try getting that image out of your head today.

These are the things we’re thinking about as the long slog through the preseason drags on. And today we’ve got the ultimate “what if” game to keep your head spinning through your work day.

What if the perfect BCS shit-storm actually came to be this year? What would it look like?

The Perfect BCS Shit-Storm

1. West Virginia goes undefeated, with their lone quality win coming in double overtime against Louisville (who has a subpar year).

2. Each of the following teams finish with one loss (their loss in parentheses): Texas (Oklahoma), Oklahoma (Oregon), Ohio State (Texas), Michigan (Ohio State), Notre Dame (Michigan), USC (Notre Dame), Oregon (USC), Auburn (LSU), LSU (Florida), and Florida (Auburn).

That’s 11 teams, 10 of which have 1 quality loss, and another has no losses but nothing much to hang its hat on.

Who gets to the BCS title game?

Bearing in mind that the BC$ is just a bigass business, we’d be wise to refresh our memories with LD’s college football narrative.

The Winners

Texas – they fit nicely into the narrative with their defending champion angle. With a huge win over Ohio State, they’re sitting pretty.

Notre Dame - Do I even need to explain this?

Ohio State – it always helps to lose early.

The Losers

USC, Michigan – and it sucks to lose late.

Oregon – we kindly refer Oregon to the 2004 season. You can’t climb to the top when you’re starting that far behind. Sorry.

SEC – too many weak nonconference opponents (read: los computadores no los gustan). Throw in a healthy dose of lobbying against them by greedy billboard companies that want an angry SEC fanbase, and they're doomed.

The Ceiling Fan

West Virginia – the objections to their stake in the title game would be deafening. And yet, how many couches could we watch burn before we acquiesced to their demands? Would West Virginia threaten secession? Would anyone try to stop them?

These are the things we’re thinking about during the time when everything’s possible.

We may now all return to our video game consoles.

--PB--