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WILLIE WILLIAMS WANTS MORE TURF, LESS SURF.

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A Fulmer Cup dynasty may be in the works here for whomever wins the dubious prize in the Willie Williams transfer sweepstakes. The once highly touted Williams has asked for his release from his scholarship at the University of Miami. We repeat: Williams has asked for a transfer. Whether this is Miami code for "Williams crashed his Four Runner through the front wall of Larry Coker's house, took his dog hostage with an automatic carving knife, and screamed until Coker agreed to sign the papers," we'll never know, but the lagniappe on this story comes in the name we found in the rumored destinations for Williams:

Tennessee.

Please, please, please cruel and merciless football gods, let this happen. The idea of Williams let loose in Knoxville under the watchful eye of Phil Fulmer boggles the mind for comedic potential. Just sample a hypothetical press conference snippet.

Reporter: Were there any other casualties?

Fulmer: (putting down fried pig's ear) No, just the seven in the convent. Once the cops tear gassed him the fifth time he came out real nice and polite. We think he's gonna be a fine young man for this football team.

Reporter: And as for the Applebee's? The one he burned down with a Zippo and pocket fifth of Gilbey's gin?

Fulmer: He damaged Applebee's? Dear God no...(breaks down into tears)We--I will do everything in my power to rebuild that Applebee's before next week's two-for-one margarita night. You...have...my...word on it.

Reporter: Would you comment on his future with the team.

Fulmer: He starts Saturday against Cal. Any other questions?

Williams, whose high school record included no less than 11 different arrests, will leave Miami with the blessing of Larry Coker, who said that "Whatever is best for Willie, I will be in favor of."

Considering the footage we've seen of Willie stepping out for an evening on South Beach, we're not surprised:

What are we expecting? World. War. Three.