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COACHES AS PITCHMEN: DAN HAWKINS CRADLES THAT BABY

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Dan Hawkins' eccentricities are well known. First, he moonlights as the guitarist for goofball retro hair band the Darkness, which takes serious time management skills. Second, he's well-known for his grab-bag philosophy, meshing bits of pop Zen with Star Wars references while digging through middle management bibles for nuggets of bulletin board, thus creating the only coaching mind in the country whose subconscious can comfortably host Chewbacca, Og Mandino, and Basho simultaneously. (That's a party we'd like to wangle an invite to, if only to watch Chewbacca become enraged and beat Og to death with his own arms.)

Eccentric and big-hearted are not necessarily mutually exclusive, though, as Coach Dan plays the rapid-fire, Tommy Lee Jones-coachspeak to maximum effect in this PSA for a parenting hotline in Boise.

Find an open receiver.