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New Kansas State head coach Ron Prince is looking for speed in the heartland: (HT: The Wiz.)

"Really, speed is the name of the game," Prince said by phone Friday afternoon.

We ask the important questions here at EDSBS, like "Which dictator does your coach resemble most?" and "If Beano Cook were to fight you, what would describe his unstoppable fighting style?"

We'll ask another, very serious question here: why is Ron Prince having a hard time finding speed in Kansas? 'Cause in the Midwest that shit is all over the place, and it's gooooood stuff. Just be careful, Ron--a little goes a long way, and pretty soon you find yourself hunched over a toilet with a blowtorch praying that you won't blow the roof off your Mom's house. Again.

J-j-just buying some cough syrup....for my coach.