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NEBRASKA'S DECLINE: EXPLAINED!

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The Wizard of Odds brings us the real story behind the decline of Nebraska football--namely, the Big 12's refusal to allow Nebraska to continue its practice of admitting an unlimited number of partial qualifiers. This story should make perfect sense to anyone who watched Nebraska football in the mid-90s go from "The All-Crushing Horde of Sagittal Crest-Blessed 'Roid Beasts" to "We allowed a team coached by Gary Barnett to score 62 points on us"--which is a shame since we've honestly never met a more polite, genteel, and considerate fan horde than Nebraska fans. (We saw them in an elevator with Carrot Top at the Fiesta Bowl in '96, and they didn't say a thing to him, which we doubt would have happened with any other fanbase, much less the hereditary smartasses that are Florida fans.)

Speaking of sagittal crests...what is Christian Peter doing now? Besides treating his gynocomastia?


Noted feminist Christian Peter.