Previews are, for someone attempting to write them in a bloggy sea awash with them, nearly impossible to construct effectively. CFN's got their basement meth freaks chained to benches cranking out previews on your son's flag football team. SMQ's got his own autodidactic journalistic freakery going on, reviewing all 117 teams by his ownself in ripping fashion. Where the hell to go with the simple act of previewing teams?
We decided on a path of selectivity: we're only doing the top 25 according to someone else, which is really great because our preseason top 25 is...well, somewhere under the car seat. Or scrawled on the back of a bail slip. Either way we're unsure. So we'll just jack Athlon's, because it's not a bad guess at the top 25, and gives us something to start from in writing these.
We also chose a slightly novel approach. Rather than giving you the pre-postmodern, lecturer at the center of the room, wonkish "here we speak from the pulpit" approach, we've tried to see things from the other side--from the teams themselves. Namely, we tried to see it from the perspective of the doomed graduate assistant charged with putting a PowerPoint presentation for each team's initial summer practice session, detailing the priorities for the season in the style of the coach and the school in general.
Looks great, Tom. Go get me some coffee.
We think we may have gotten close with our first entry: #25 Nebraska, whose coach Bill Callahan now picks up the title of "Sooper Genious" coach in D-1 now that Gary Barnett is out. Dear Leader Callahan would like to remind you of a few things:
1. Click here to download the PowerPoint. (OR DON'T: THESE SEEM TO HAVE A NASTY EFFECT ON SERVER USAGE. For now, they've been removed.) View as slide show, and click through to begin. If you have a recent iteration of PowerPoint, you should hear music along with it, which should be immediately familiar to fans of figure skating or someone who's watched The Hunt For Red October three thousand times. If you don't, it should still be worthy of a giggle.
2. If not, please click here to view the presentation as a slideshow.
3. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE.