clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:


Reposting this from late yesterday...if only because it's a little too perverse to let it go just yet.

As in off the top ropes in tight pants with mustache--that's how bad Nathan gets us here in spying a curious pair of comments in the thread following Tony Barnhart's puff piece on a speaking engagement featuring Bobby Bowden and Joe Paterno.

Owned, Nacho Libre-style. Curiously, we look a lot like this.

The pair of curious comments came from someone identifying himself as "Chris Rix, Sr." They read as follows, with no extraneous comments since sometimes life writes its own satire without the need for editing, sprucing, or even superflous setup. Roll:

By Chris Rix, Sr.

May 27, 2006 06:21 AM | Link to this

Watch out, TB!

Back away from the buffet table, Tony, and put down the Kool-Aid! Keep swallowing marshmellows and pretty soon you’ll wind up with a bad case of Lyme Disease. Coaches cutting academic corners? Let me tell you a story.

In Dec. of 2003, I found my son was lagging in some of his courses. I talked to the Academic Athletic Support Director at FSU, the President, the AD, the Compliance guy, and then made an appointment with Coach Bowden’s secretary to see him one hour after I talked to the Compliance guy. I got to his office because I was not to pleased when the Academic guy says: “I failed your son, Chris”. While I’m cooling my heels, two FSU police show up carrying automatics, and, catch this, say they are here to “escort me from the building”, as “per Bob Minnix (the compliance guy I just talked to”, due to Coach Bowden’s “bowl preparations”. and Bowden calls you guys (journalists) cowards? In bed pulling for our boys overseas. What a load of crap. What battle has Bowden won that somebody else didn’t fight for him. Big Patton buff. Ever read the story about his hare-brained scheme to send 300 men 60 miles into enemy-territory to rescue his son-in-law at a POW camp? Great read. Oh, about 25 men get killed, and his son-in-law gets shot in the butt, but hey, nobody questions Patton. Sounds like the “Chris Rix be the scapegoat” story until my son gets his coaching training wheels off? Big talk about God, but breaks the 1st Commandment by having a great big statue of himself sitting outside his temple. One version of being a Christian: lay your Son’s life down for everybody else. Bobby’s version? Lay others lives down for my son. Iknow, I watched it personnally. House at the beach? Sure, isn’t that what it’s all about? Got one for Tommy, when he dumped FSU’s title hopes to save his son’s job, IN MY OPINION. Just check his axles for the blood and guts of others. As far as I’m concerned, Barkhart, the right question is “What the hell are people like you doing to the game?”

Dinner time at Chez Rix Sr.'s

After someone questions the wisdom of posting this, CR Sr. replies:

By Chris Rix, Sr.

May 28, 2006 07:49 PM | Link to this

To Rambler & JK.

Too bad you don’t know Jack. I know Jack. And you’re no Jack. You’re Jack…whatever. I also know I’ve done two youth football clinics at Camp Pendleton Wire Mtn. Youth Center with 3 NFL QB’s, worked with the NFL getting the Convoy of Hope, which gives out food, clothing, & medicine to low- income communities ( sanctioned as a SuperBowl host committee event last year in Jacksonville, officiated over 450 youth/high school football games (40 last year), and 150 youth/h.s. baseball games and that you couldn’t last 5 minutes out on a football field with me. Try me. I also know that Coach Bowden said to me, in his office “I’ll treat your son just like mine”, with a straight face. Now you tell me, did he? Furthermore, if he had said, “Uh, after Mark Richt leaves Jeff will be the new OC” I don’t think I would have been too excited. But I did tell him Norm Chow was available. Of course, it did the coaching staff 4 years to call the guy. A little slow on the uptake, wouldn’t you say, Mrs. Know-it-all???

We've made fun of Chris Rix's hair, his typography, even his bone structure. But it's hard to feel too much harmjoy here, since judging from this he grew up with the mongoloid equivalent of the Great Santini screaming down his neck in between extended masturbation sessions in front of the History Channel and coaching 492 youth football games a year. Therefore, we officially declare a moratorium on Chris Rix-bashing that could last through next week, should we feel enough guilt to carry this over a few days. It's just not his fault, as evidenced by the "thoughts" excerpted above.