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SYNERGY BITES YOU, THE VIEWER, IN THE ASS

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We read this bit of news totally and completely the wrong way in great haste. We could pull it, but we whiffed in grand fashion and put it there anyway. We'll leave it as is as a testament to our own ign'unce. but almost all of what you may read below is wrong.-ed.

The Golden Age of College GameDay--should you wonder, after "We're comin--and we're shittayyyy!!!" rang through your ears all season long--ended officially this week. Kirk Herbstreit will move to Saturday night football to work with the odd couple of Bob "Footbaw" Davie and Brent "Red Blooded Male" Musberger. (Gay men, according to Musberger, have green blood. So do guys who don't find Jenn Sterger attractive, which includes us in the Martian blood category, we suppose. It's the price we'll pay to avoid being covered in bronzer each time we have sex with someone.)

Why your wife/girlfriend will suddenly lose interest in Gameday and make no plans for Saturday night this fall.

Doug Flutie will take over the Herbstreit studio spot, tragically sans mullet. Completely untrue--he'll remain in the studio, with Flutie taking over his spot on Saturday ESPN games. The gives and takes are obvious: Herbstreit will bring his chipper moxie to a potentially disastrous Musberger-Davie blabomination, cutting through much of Davie's footbaw talk while bringing a spontaneous human side to the broadcast, since Davie can be awfully wooden and Musberger always sounds like he's announcing, even when he gets in chat mode with his cohorts. (After almost forty years in the booth, we imagine even Brent's interactions with Indian IT support hotlines sounds like a game-breaking interception return. If this audiotape exists, we will gladly sell our souls to get it.)

It also means GameDay's dead.Or doesn't, actually. Though we're sure they'll find another way to monkey around with a good thing. At least Mark Shapiro won't be around to give us more Sportstainment! Corso can only slide further into squinty obtuseness from this point, while Flutie will take at least a season to ease into the groove of things. That leaves prissy Fowler to carry the show, which he's not capable of doing unless they allow him to leap into crowds and attack offensive sign holders on camera. Toss in your Lacheys, what will undoubtedly be the worst choice for a theme song you can think of (Taylor Hicks? Black Eyed Peas? SOUL PATROL!), and more cocked-up human interest stories like the one about how Matt Leinart overcame myopia (the HORROR!), and we'll officially declare the program DOA for at least the next year.

Go get 'em, Chris!

The only song we'd use for the theme song? Ace of Spades by Motorhead, accompanied by nothing but clips of massive hits. If it doesn't sound badass beyond comprehension to you, we'll just say that it killed when we showed a video just like it at our wedding. This part may be the only part still true after editing.