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BEANO COOK ON CLAUSEN SIGNING WITH ND

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And we thought all we'd have to post about this afternoon was UF practice...Jimmy Clausen, megaprep qb, subject of his own ESPN profile as a sophomore in high school, and the most lusted after 16-year old since Lindsey Lohan, has opted to sign with Notre Dame. Something about "groomed Tom fuckin' Brady" and "wins football games by passing;" we dunno, really, as it was nearly impossible to hear over the collective screams of hysteria and hosannas from the assembled Notre Dame grads.

As Joey said: get your condoms. The wankfest over this could rival that surrounding Tim Tebow prior to his commitment to Florida; in fact, go ahead and pencil in the surpassing of the Tebow story since ESPN's reps are no doubt negotiating at this moment with Clausen's parents for their own Tebow-style documentary on Clausen's senior season. The Ipecac storyline has already written itself, and look forward to getting ramrodded Clausen stories as part of your media diet for the next two years--so good you'll puke from all the pleasure!

Beano Cook, when notified of the breaking story, had the following response.

--Proclaimed Clausen as the first ever "Clausen Award Winner," given in lieu of the Heisman which will completely suck following the wake of Clausen's first season. (We've already claimed Clausenpundit.com, so don't even try it.)

--Fed a signed 8X10 of Clausen to his dog, waited for dog to shit out said photo, and then rolled in the papery poo to express his pleasure.

--Had Clausen's name tatooed on his forehead to demonstrate his loyalty.

--Named remaining functioning kidney "Jimmy."


Beano: excited about Clausen.