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REQUIEM: AARON TAYLOR, BROADCASTER

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A moment of silence, please, for the just-budding career of Aaron Taylor, college football broadcaster: Taylor has announced his departure from the world of broadcasting to pursue a career in philanthropy and teaching, two careers we see as being completely incompatible without a trust fund or well-constructed cocaine cartel to fund the whole thing. (HT: Bill)

Taylor's bellowing delivery was only one of the things we'll miss about him--there's so much! And whenever we write in exclamation points, it means we don't mean it!--we must resort to poetry. We now present:

To Aaron Taylor fans: A Valediction Against Mourning.

Thy call from television screen
Did rattle the tables and chairs;
The eight-buttoned suits and bald pate sheen
Did afright the eyes and ee-yars.

Thy mouth was ere slight askew;
Comments, cliched and hoary.
Thy waistline, waxing, grew and grew;
Your feature pieces: wan and bore-y.

So lunkheaded Aaron, we bid you well
In life's great frothing pool;
Should education prove to be hell
You've always got law school.


Aaron Taylor takes a cue from Terry Bowden and exits abruptly and without adequate explanation.