clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:


Never start an argument you can't win. We learned this as a youth watching Luther Campbell win both the legal and pr debates with one Bob Martinez, former rising star of the Republican party who picked the wrong straw dog to fuck with in Uncle Luke. Short story: Martinez wastes political capital by banning 2 Live Crew records and having Campbell et. al arrested for obscenity, Campbell gets free notoriety and pub via media coverage, As Nasty as They Wanna Be sells a bajillion copies, and Bob Martinez looks like a fool while bungling anything else he touched during his term as governor.

Normally this (bungling) wouldn't be all that unusual or damning for a Florida governor...but the Campbell thing stuck him one nasty because we didn't necessarily know him as Bob Martinez alone; no, we knew him as Bob "Fuck" Martinez, after the song Campbell put together to mock Martinez' decision to prosecute him for obscenity. (The Supreme Court, too, concluded with Luke that given parental warning stickers and the First Amendment, he was entitled to be as nasty as he wanted to be.) So Martinez willing entered a debate where he had half the tools the other guy had, as plays out in our simulation:

Martinez: Luther Campell and his vile smut are a threat to the common decency and moral integrity of Florida communities.

Uncle Luke: (to thunderous bass beat) Fuck! Martinez! Fuck Fuck! Mar-ti-NEZ!

Martinez: As you can see, he's simply a reprobate, bent only on corrupting youth and sexualizing our daughters into vulgar objects of male ownership and abuse.

Uncle Luke: (more jiggling bass beats) SHAKE! THEM TITTIES! SHAKE! SHAKE! THEM TIT-TIES!

Legally, as nasty as he wants to be.

ATL Eagle's got the whole story, as well as his two cents on one of the most ambivalently regarded coaches in the game. Plus: did you know there was a civil war in the BC online community? No, you didn't.