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OFFSEASON TIME-KILLERS: AND WE THOUGHT WE HAD A PROBLEM...

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The highlight of the weekend--besides seeing a 5'2", 260 pound woman rip through Gladys Knight's "The Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me" at karaoke on Saturday night--was a visit from Swindle brother-in-law The 5.0 Guy, who stopped by our underground lair for a three game duel on NCAA 2006. We'll cover it in Timekillers later this week, but the slate was:

The HBC challenge. Got Wyatt-boned to death by Bethune-Cookman's unstoppable QB option, which was only an option in the sense that we had the option of missing at least three tackles on the Wildcats' qb, whose idea of spreading the ball around was giving the fullback the ball three times during the entire game. Threw for 400 plus and seven TDs with the FAMU qb and still got eviscerated in a game that turned into arena ball fast.

The random challenge. This usually turns out horribly, but in this case we held down the black button to the tune of Illinois/BYU, which beats past matchups we've seen like UNC/Columbia (seven fumbles in the third quarter for Columbia,) Miami/Alabama State (where we took an 83/17 drubbing...with pride,) and Michigan/Idaho. (Idaho, in case you've never seen it, plays in a hangar of a dome that feels like it's three hundred feet below the earth's surface. Seeing the Maize 'n Blue playing there made us feel like we were watching a post-nuclear fantasy of a desperate Michigan fan. "We're the only ones left...and the only team we can play is Idaho! Forever!!! Muhahahahaaa...") Zooked 'em in OT, 42-35ish, behind a lot of running and finally picking BYU's qb, who only threw for 400+ on the Illini, which Zook would have called "exciting."

The Rivalry Game. A sad sequel to a classic VT/TAMU game played by the 5.0 guy and ourselves. The original had VT coughing out Kevin Dyson style on the one, just shy of a game-winning TD prevented by a desperate Aggie dimeback. The sequel featured us holding the ball for 14 minutes out of 20, completing over 85 percent of passes as Reggie McNeal, and running the VT defense into the ground in the fourth quarter. Marcus Vick threw for 6 TDs--not bad, right? Looked worse next to five picks, thrown mostly when gangs of TAMU defenders hit him mid-throw. Final: 70-42. Next time, we're changing teams.

Point being? We thought we had a problem. Turns out that we're wrong about this: this guy has a problem.

We're betting he always stole the buses.