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BETTING ON THE FIRST RAINDROP TO HIT THE WINDOWPANE

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For a capper and giggle-worthy piece, read Rivals' midday summary piece on the race for number 1! In the recruiting rankings! Which estimate the playing value of recruits who could fail to qualify academically! Or fail a drug test! Or play in an offense coordinated by Jeff Bowden!

Ron Powlus will win four Heismans! Tim Olmstead is the next Danny Wuerffel! Ben Gay--not the punchline to a third grade joke, but the best running back OMG in like foreversville! Fred Rouse, the next Peter Warrick!

People who make money off this are despicable, but only because we didn't think of it first by creating the most meaningless championship since the "Bud Bowl." Don't think we don't remember "The Freezer."

"The Freezer," better known to you as "The Trots in a Bottle."