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The city of Toledo, Ohio-which isn't even in the top 25 fattest American cities--has decided it needs a "Get Fit, Toledo!" campaign to encourage citizens to shape up and get sexy. (How is Detroit number one? Are the survivors getting fat on the bodies of the victims? Or is everyone just so frightened they refuse to go outside and subsist on a steady diet of order-in cheese steaks?)

Consider a few of the Toledo natives you know and love: which one would be the logical choice for a fitness campaign for the City of Rockets?

A. International superstar/beard Katie Holmes

B. Silky smooth songstress and guaranteed poon tunes maker Anita Baker

C. Professional bastard and member of the EDSBS pantheon, P.J. O'Rourke

D. Tom Amstutz

If you answered anything but D, you're sane--and obviously not fit for office in Toledo, since the generously proportioned Tom Amstutz has been made the spokesman for the "Get Fit, Toledo!" campaign. We could be wrong here, since Toledo might be employing a novel strategy for encouraging its citizens to eat well and exercise, like carrying Amstutz to the office in a sedan chair in a work detail, or perhaps hunting down other Toledoans by knife and bow to offer as sacrifices for the insatiable Rockets coach.

(HT: Devil Grad)