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Frank Solich, former Nebraska coach, is convicted of DUI following his arrest Saturday night. Officers say they found Solich passed out on the steering wheel of his car; he had difficulty rolling down the window or speaking clearly, but was smart enough to refuse a breathalyzer test. Solich pled mas rapidamente and will pay a fine and take a three-day driving course.

A few things:

--Solich is 61 years old, which means he wasn't just drunk...he was old man drunk, a bleary constellation available only to those over the age of 55 rife with pink elephants, miltary anecdotes, and teary incoherent stories about someone named Sadie who used to live in Kansas City.

--Solich looks more like Red Foreman than anyone we've ever seen.

--Solich learned the hard way that drunk driving in Ohio, a place with a few curvy roads, is much more difficult than tottering around the wide-open grids of Lincoln, Nebraska. We have to guess that whatever Solich's future may be, it won't be in Florida, where the large drunken driving population--Pinellas Park, we see you--often discovers local bodies of water up close and personal following a trip to Dave's Aqua Lounge and a missed turn or two. With that said, we would like to be the first to start the "Howard Schnellenberger driving an Eldo into a retaining pond" watch, and place the over/under at seven months from today.

Compare the two following the jump:

Red Foreman:

...and Frank Solich, Sunday driver.