Frank Solich, former Nebraska coach, is convicted of DUI following his arrest Saturday night. Officers say they found Solich passed out on the steering wheel of his car; he had difficulty rolling down the window or speaking clearly, but was smart enough to refuse a breathalyzer test. Solich pled mas rapidamente and will pay a fine and take a three-day driving course.
A few things:
-Solich is 61 years old, which means he wasn’t just drunk…he was old man drunk, a bleary constellation available only to those over the age of 55 rife with pink elephants, miltary anecdotes, and teary incoherent stories about someone named Sadie who used to live in Kansas City.
-Solich looks more like Red Foreman than anyone we’ve ever seen.
-Solich learned the hard way that drunk driving in Ohio, a place with a few curvy roads, is much more difficult than tottering around the wide-open grids of Lincoln, Nebraska. We have to guess that whatever Solich’s future may be, it won’t be in Florida, where the large drunken driving population-Pinellas Park, we see you-often discovers local bodies of water up close and personal following a trip to Dave’s Aqua Lounge and a missed turn or two. With that said, we would like to be the first to start the “Howard Schnellenberger driving an Eldo into a retaining pond” watch, and place the over/under at seven months from today.
Compare the two following the jump:
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YAY! Sports totally has Bethune-Cookman coach Alvin Wyatt’s back on the fashion resume tip. In all of his splendor, we realize that he truly does bring 240 dollars worth of pudding with each game.
Barry and Levon: would totally hang with Alvin Wyatt.
BTW, check out their Leinart Bang-O-Meter on the right sidebar. 617 as of today!
For some, the Insight.com Bowl is sheer disappointment; for Rutgers, though, the climb up from the bottom has been tougher than swimming onto the Jersey shore while wearing concrete shoes.
Much deserved gigantic accolades go to Greg Schiano and the Scarlet Knights on securing the bowl berth and bringing some Camaro-driving, Loverboy-listening, Zoobas-pants-wearing flair to the game of college football again.
Mike Reno’s favorite college team, Rutgers, is in a bowl game. Headbands for everyone.
According to FoxSports, the Detroit Lions have fired head coach Steve Mariucci. I know that is NFL news, but we here at EDSBS.com wonder what that means for the college coaching ranks as more teams try to recreate the Pete Carroll experience (lack-luster NFL coach into college genius). Let the rumor mill begin. We’ll add to it by pointing out the obvious: He’s good friends with Tom Izzo you know, and John L. Smith hasn’t exactly worked out like the Spartans hoped.
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When you’re 76 years old, we suppose you reach a level of comfort with yourself. You know what you like to eat, when you like to wake up, and how many times you need to shake your willy to avoid the embarrassing post-urination drip down the leg. Bobby Bowden’s evidently reached that point, since he’s admitting things in interview we never imagined he’d say. For example, his recent stresses involving his ongoing tolerance of his son’s mangling of the FSU offense have really brought out some candid comments about the adult film industry’s choice of male leads. Our favorite from today’s Tallahassee Democrat article:
“They want to see somebody hung. I don’t buy that.”
Bobby, millions of porn fans couldn’t disagree more with you.
Sorry, Johnny Wadd-Bowden’s not interested.
P.S. Not sure how to work this in, but Farkmeister Mr. Two Cents has the coldest photoshop we’ve ever seen posted below. Safe for work, but so wrong we almost have to like it. Almost…click if you dare.
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Along with Ohio State’s nifty red berets and Salvation Army unis, we love the Texas Band’s Roy Rogers getups, complete with white ten gallon hats, fringe jackets, and string ties. Evidently a fashion critic from A&M’s Cavalry took issue with this on Friday, shoveling a load of horse shit onto the band during pregame preparations. The incident was described by Texas band members as “well, you know…kinda shitty, you know?”
An email from an angry fan (Matt from LSU) got us thinking (always a dangerous thing) :
Can you please explain to me how LSU can hand a conference opponent their worst loss at home in 40 years (beat Ole Miss 40-7), and Penn State can struggle to beat a poor Michigan State team, YET the pollsters still decrease the LSU lead over Penn State?
Can you please explain how LSU can win a game while Penn State doesn’t play, yet LSU loses ground yet again in the polls?
Can you please explain why Texas doesn’t earn more first place votes when USC struggles to beat a WAC team who lost to Nevada?
Only one of these questions has an easy answer: USC held the votes because they still haven’t lost and Reggie Bush is having one of those seasons that forces sportswriters into increasingly ludicrous territory attempting to describe just how…deflaculent his gameplay has been this year. (See? Deflaculent isn’t even a word, we just had to pull it out of our ass in a vain attempt to approximate what Reggie Bush does on the field. Hyperbole doesn’t cover it, so tubby journalists the nation round are banging away on laptops tossing in nonsense words like “scrotufulactic” and “obstraspectaculiferous” while their editors slam coffee cups to the floor in frustration. Fortunately for us, we have no such journalistic integrity, and can label Bush’s alien level of agility as “deflaculent” without flinching.)
Reggie Bush: straight nasty deflaculence.
The other questions center on another important trend in national coverage of what is basically a regional sport: narrative. The primer on this was written by Gunslingers-a piece on par with Martin Luther’s 95 theses, Newton’s Principia Mathematica, and Hobbes’ Leviathan for its sheer cromulence in its field-who lays out with well-chosen examples the formation and dynamics of a national narrative as dictated by Papa E in Bristol. LSU, like other teams in other ways, is a victim of this narrative, a story shaped by profit motive, population dynamics, and most importantly, a human weakness for easy storylines and pat finishes.
First of all, let’s clear this up, though: LSU is NOT getting screwed. (more…)
Following their first losing season under the Fulmer regime, the house cleaning is in full swing. Offensive coordinator Randy Sanders turned in his clip board following the loss to Darth Visor and the Gamecocks. Now that the season is over, Fulmer has axed two more offensive coaches, Jimmy Ray Stephens and Pat Washington. Stephens coached the offensive line and Washington was the receivers’ coach. The new offensive coordinator will select his assistants at such time as he is named.
Fulmer used his experience in cleaning out buffets as he turned his attention to the offensive staff.
