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GAMEDAY COMES TO L.A.--OF COURSE YOU LOOK FAT.

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Gameday, for just the second third time in their history, is going to be live in L.A. for the UCLA/USC game. Given the historic implications of both the game and the broadcast, you can bet on a wide array of special events to take place just for the occasion:

---Reggie Bush will line up against UCLA defense on nearby rooftop. Bruins will fire hail of bullets at Bush, who flings himself back into an improbable stance and dodge the bullets in thrilling stop-motion special effects shot. Bush will then dive into oncoming traffic on the 110 and dodge speeding semi-trucks with ease at 80 m.p.h. while signing his autograph on moving car bumpers.

Yeah, kind of like that.

--Kirk Herbstreit and Corso will engage in a tried and true L.A. game day custom: gettting your ass waxed at halftime. Corso will have the procedure done while still wearing the Trojan helmet, prompting years of sodomy jokes at his expense.

--Nick Lachey interview of Matt Leinart will be interrupted by short, screaming Irishman fronting a rock band on the rooftop nearby. Will complain loudly about "THEY'RE SHUTTING US DOOOWUN!" before Fowler breaks the singer's jaw with a vicious elbow cross to the face.

--The broadcast will suffer another setback as a mini-race riot breaks out on the set following the seizure of a black fan's "CORSO SUCKS MY MOTHERFUCKING ASS" sign from the backdrop of the set by the LAPD, who subdue the fan by running him over with an APC. The violence will peak when Desmond Howard, kicking an immobile Nick Lachey in the head as he lays on the pavement, is shot along with 32 others by an irate Korean shopkeep with an Uzi.

--Pete Carroll will appear on set, give everyone a great big hug lasting just a little too long, and leave without saying a word.

--Matt Leinart will have problems avoiding the rush all day long, particularly from the paparazzi, whose constant blitzing and flashbulbs forces three fumbles on the day.