When wounded by reality, it’s never too early to begin the taunting for the next game. Click the more our first broadside at FSU-and no, that’s not photoshopped, and yes, Chubby’s still has their free “Monkeybones” shooter for primatology students willing to chug a beer from their chimp skull brought over from class. (Via the mighty Gator Farkatorium.)
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Gary Barnett, amateur slushfundafarian, feminist, and erstwhile football coach, finally gets an offer on a contract extension from the University of Colorado. The timing couldn’t be better: following an offseason of turmoil, including rumbles of a grand jury investigation, ugly leaks regarding Barnett’s unreported income from football camps, the conviction of a program assistant on solicitation charges in connection with providing recruits with prostitutes, and the ever-present specter of Barnett’s lackluster record at Colorado…he then loses to Iowa State on Saturday.
Parties are mum on details, but we know what we’d offer Barnett in the way of benefits: a free membership in Western’s Smokehouse “Meat of the Month” club and not much else. Health insurance? That’s for girls, Gary-and you know how terrible they are…
Who needs full dental and optical when you have a carnival of meat at your disposal?
Pat Forde sums up what seems like the inexplicable end to a 2005 SEC game: the game-changing 4th and 10 post pattern from Brandon Cox to Devin Aromashodu for 62 critical yards that put Auburn in position for the game-winning field goal.
In the Michigan State Spartan call-in show on Saturday, 90 percent of callers touched on the necessity of firing John L. Smith as head coach for his 5-5 record this season. Other interesting percentages from the program’s callers:
-34 percent believe Adam and Eve rode dinosaurs to church. .
-65 percent have personally spoken with Nick Saban’s people about returning.
-70 percent of callers voiced the need for a perfect season, and more blow jobs, too.
-80 percent wanted a pony and candy right that instant.
-90 percent believed that Flint “offered a lifestyle second only to that of ancient Babylon”
-45 percent voiced concern over the declining quality of the steak fingers at the Ponderosa buffet on East Court Street.
-55 percent announced their willingess to fight anyone, anywhere for any reason at any time.
Flint: feelin’ it!
All of you BCS haters (ourselves included) were probably disappointed when Alabama lost that heartbreaker to LSU in overtime, because now on paper it looks like the BCS is going to work out. It is down to two, USC and Texas. And these two teams have looked like the best two (or at least best 2 of 3 until Va Tech sucked on the gas pipe) for most of the season. Both USC and Texas have a pretty smooth road from here on out as well. Things could not have worked out better for the BCS. But college football can be a funny thing. Texas knows… they spoiled Nebraska’s year in the first Big XII championship game. We’d like to hear from you as to who you think is the most likely spoiler and why.
We saw two teams stomp en masse on their hosts’ logos this past week: Indiana took a good thorough hop on the Michigan ‘M’, and Rutgers (!?!) held a step show on the Louisville Cardinal. (We giggled as Kirk Herbstreit, whose work has been approaching max Q awesomeness lately, pointed out that you shouldn’t mess with the Cardinal since it has both a beak AND a full set of teeth.)
Great move! Indiana was turned to a pillar of salt by Michigan, who rolled up 41 on the Hoosiers in a single half. Rutgers didn’t enjoy the same mercy, though; after a chippy first half that ended 21-5, Petrino the Merciless brought the pipes in a 28-point third quarter where qb Brian Brohm hit everything he wanted to, including Greg Schiano’s wife with 2 minutes left in the third. Louisville continued passing well into the fourth quarter.
A slightly annoying off-Broadway show, and also a most ineffective motivational tactic!
DISSENTING OPINION: PEOPLE VERSUS URBAN MEYER
On writ of certiorari on “KARMA IS A BITCH, MR. FOLEY.”
Justice Swindle, Sixth Estate Court, dissenting:
1.
We disagree with the opinions and judgement brought by Justice Montana in his opinion, handed down on the 13th of November, 2005, in the case of “Karma is a bitch, Mr. Foley.” We hereby seek to present a dissenting opinion, addressing the numerous errata, lacunae, and other mistakes leading Justice Montana and others to make in condemning the nascent career of Urban Meyer (referred from here as UM) at the University of Florida vis-a-vis their loss to South Carolina, coached by Steven Orr Spurrier, former coach of said Gators (referred to within as SOS.)
2.
Jst. Montana refers to the German army rolling through the streets of Paris in 1939. A personal note should be made here in the interests of full disclosure: we know Montana, and would like to submit our own personal testimony here: he was, and perhaps still is, an avid player of the esteemed game of Axis and Allies, a detailed expansion on the game of Risk where players assume the roles of the major principals in a World War Two scenario. Perhaps his history is rusty; the Germans waited until 1940 to take their mass field trip to Paris, forcing the British to evacuate at Dunkirk and the French to the cafes to write desolate, existential essays protesting their occupation while Panzers rolled down the cobbled streets of Paris.
The shame and consolation of many high school dorks on Friday night: Axis and Allies.
3.
The overall thrust of the argument-that Florida’s Jeremy Foley, the current AD and hirer of both UM3 and SOS made a poor decision in insulting the interested SOS and spurning him in favor of UM3-is baseless, erroneous, and fantastic in nature. (more…)
Orson Swindle and Stranko Montana are two men pushing thirty who should know better than to run a college football blog, but evidently don't. Both graduated from the University of Florida, and both agree that college football is far too important to be left to the professionals.
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