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MAD MONEY REVIEW!

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We watched alot of college football again this weekend with our Jim Cramer caps on. Now if only we could somehow use his sound effects to really drive home our points.

The Ole Ball Coach is hot again, but don't get caught up in the hype yet. The fundamentals aren't sound.

Stranko's buys:

Michigan: It looks like they bottomed out and are on the road to recovery at this point. Buy them while they are cheap. This is a nice value pick.

Virginia Tech: This is a risky pick at this point with Miami coming to town this weekend, but they look like the better team and Marcus Vick is proving that he can find ways to win. That is, of course, unless he loses to Miami.

LSU: How did they lose to Tennessee? Truth is they are inconsistent thanks to a mistake prone quarterback and occassional fumblitis of the running backs. But next to USC (or perhaps tied with them) they are just loaded. To think that the MVP of their National Championship team is now 3rd string. They are a buy, but be ready to sell at a moments notice.

Orson's buys:

South Carolina. Old Holtzian lameness: get up by two scores, lose by a field goal in the final two minutes against Tennessee. New Spurrier hotness: go back and forth with a team you haven't beaten since 1992 and pass at will on them to win by a fg on the road. Ko Simpson, the strong safety, went positively apeshit--over the final quarter Simpson was involved in every defensive play. A team that, shall we say, looks appropriately cocky for the first time in a loooong while.

Penn State. Vampire/coaching legend Paterno brought in fresh blood (pun intended) and it's working like mad, mad, mad. And by young blood, we mean Bronze Age holdover Galen Hall, former Florida head coach and current PSU offensive coordinator who held the same job for Oklahoma once...from 1966 to 1983.

Virginia Tech. As Stanley McClover would say, this team is just "a big black dude all stuck up in his pads." Bad like Shaft right now. The nice thing is that even if the obligatory Big 12 spot in the BCS title game doesn't go to Texas, VT makes for a grapplers' delight of a matchup with USC.

Stranko's sells

Alabama: Their offense just hasn't recovered from Prothro's injury and I think their schedule is too tough down the stretch. I would not be surprised to see LSU playing in Atlanta instead of them come December.

UCLA: They are fun to watch, but if I had any money riding on them, it would probably kill me. This is a sell to protect your cardiac health.

Notre Dame: With a start that is one game short of Willingham's, Notre Dame goes bonkers and drinks the Kool Aid in giving their seemingly fantastic coach a TEN YEAR EXTENSION. This is just as a wounded Tennessee team with revenge on their mind, nothing to lose, and still the best front four I've seen this year is coming to town. Watch out for a let down.

Orson's sells

Virginia. Whip FSU, lose 7-5 to North Carolina, and then face Hank Bosnia and the Hokies? Creeping doom is in the air for Groh. Combined with Chan Gailey, Rich Brooks and Mike Leach, does Al Groh's continued employment put this year's coaching community in the ranks of the most dithering collection of mumblers ever?

Anyone in the SEC playing offense. The firing of Randy Sanders and the scrapping of the Leak-run spread option go a long way toward fixing what has become an endemic problem: the death of offense in the SEC. We'll elaborate a lot more on the exact roots of the offensive vacuum in tomorrow's column, but everyone playing O in the SEC right now should heap ashes on themselves in penance for the awful offal they're putting on the field right now. The SEC passing leader? FUCKING VANDERBILT.

A pox on all of your houses.

Stranko's holds

USC: Sure the defense has some holes, but the offense is good to historic proportions. They have three legitimate heisman-type players in the backfield (which unfortunately could mean that none will win) and emerging stars at the wide reciever and tight end positions. No reason to sell them now that they escape from South Bend.

Texas: They fell asleep USC-style for the first quarter and a half before rolling Texas-style thanks to the one man show that is Vince Young. Thanks to the Leinart-Bush split of votes potential, he may just walk away with a nice trophy this season.

Orson's holds

Georgia. Got pushed around by a Florida squad that hadn't been able to break glass previously. Mysterious defensive game plan decided on allowing Chris Leak, an illiterate hot read guy, to pass without pressure for most of the game. Auburn, meanwhile, has the best offense in the SEC (not saying much--"He's the brightest little retard we've got!") and a pretty sound defense. Not a promising outlook, even with a bye week, thanks to the pressure of having to have the Auburn game to get to the SEC championship game.

Miami. Something still reeks about this team, but that could be the ghost of prior Coral Gables chain gangs clouding our judgement. This team wins, but they don't celebrate by splashing each other with Alize, setting off handguns from their dorm windows, and partying with Luther Campbell...which just doesn't seem like Miami to us, does it?

Alabama. They keep winning and have the contagious aura of a Cinderella, but Auburn, in the midst of a rebound year, is going to ruin either Georgia's or Alabama's year. The total lack of scoring offense makes 'Bama a more likely target, especially given the whole "biblical rivalry thing" going on here.