In the midst of a comedown season from their undefeated '04 campaign, Auburn hasn't been making much in the way of news, save for missing 23 field goals in the LSU game and having their coach sniping at booster's lunches about ESPN and the BCS. They have, however, grown in one key area: quotability, suddenly becoming the best sound bite a blogger could ask for.
Exhibit A: The Irons Brothers interview. David and Kenny both go to Auburn, and both are evidently black belt insult artists, African-American school of fighting. We're not paying for a subscription, but the full article is available on Scout.com. David gets the best backhands in on his brother, though, as seen in this excerpt. (Courtesy of readers whose names will go unpublished to avoid punishment at the hands of the Scout overlords. You know who you are.)
Do you and Kenny have any competition with stats?
I just tell him to keep running like that and keep on running to the jungle. I told him Id buy him a seesaw and monkey bars so he can swing around like a banana tree. Hes doing real good running to his jungle. I told him the end zone is his zoo and if he runs to the end zone he can be with all of his little animal friends. I just told him to treat the football like a banana. You treat the football like a banana and you wont let anybody at the zoo take your banana peel. He was like, Yeah, thats true. And I was like, Kenny, but its not yellow, its brown. Just think of it as an old banana and youve had out for weeks like you did at the house and its turned brown. Run with it and dont let people strip it. Hes been running like a crazy wild child.
Do you think he looks like a monkey?
He looks like somebody hit that kid 10 times. When Halloween comes around on Monday, hes already got his costume. Hes already himself. I hope when kids come up to the door they dont get too scared. Im going to hang him up somewhere on the wall so everyone can see our Halloween decorations.
Quality stuff, but not the only Auburn player turning out quality print these days. The "Talkin' Smack" column in The Auburn Plainsman struck gold in their one-on-one with Stanley McClover, the monstrous dreaded-up DE with more than a passing resemblance to the Predator. A sample of the whole goodness:
Whos the scariest player?
Troy (Reddick). Hes just a big ol black dude. Big black dude stuck all up in his pads.
OK, so whats your biggest fear?
Pertaining to what?
Alright, explain that.
Im scared of frogs. For real. If ones sitting on my doorstep, I dont go in the house. Im scared of frogs.
We want that on our tombstone: Orson Swindle, Big black dude stuck all up in his pads...