We Are The Boys, the Joe Kickass of Gator bloggers, joined us for another anarchic roundtable where we broke down tomorrow's jittery matchup between two undefeated programs, Florida and Alabama. Along the way we learned that Bama's defense gives us all the shakes, that Orson will be wearing jean shorts on Saturday, and that jumping out of a boat moving at 35 miles per hour will break your nose. Enjoy--it's better than Oprah.
Unless you're a Navy SEAL, not a good idea.
Stranko Montana: How long before Brodie Croyle is injured? If not in
this game, then when?
WATB: Broken hip would be the obvious injury. Maybe a fall down the
stairs, or trouble in the tub. The guys, what, like 50?
Orson Swindle: 38, actually. You know the trouble with those Latin
American birth certificates.
Stranko: Brodie Almonte.
Orson: I was thinking, Croyel, Brodi. But that'll do, too. Seriously, I
think he makes it the whole year on karma.
Stranko: I say Meyer blitzes like mad and he is out for at least a
series by the mid-3rd quarter.
WATB: I think we're going to attack the hell out of their young line.
A brittle QB like Croyle might not fare so well. I'm with Stranko.
Orson: "Shaken up." Meaning, "slightly brain damaged and pants full of
pee."
Stranko: Mild, undiagnosed concussion that haunts him 15 years from
now.
WATB: Do you guys trust our secondary if we bring the house?
Orson: Yes and no. We'll give and get a few long ones/INTs.
Stranko: I trust our top two corners, but not Reggie Lewis. He's hit
and miss.
Orson: He's coming along, but he'll go for the big play/hit and miss a
few.
WATB: Your biggest worries?
Orson: Kenneth Darby.
Stranko: Tyrone Protho catching one around Vernell Brown's head for the
winning score.
Orson: Lightning. Twice.
WATB: I'm worried about the offense getting rattled by a defense that's
just a tad more impressive than Kentucky, or even Tennessee, perhaps.
Orson: The offense may get rattled, I doubt they'll kill us with
turnovers. They've been tidy in that department thus far. The worry for me is
Darby and Bama's rock-dumb offensive game planning.
This would be nice.
Stranko: My real biggest worry is how the offense works against their 4
linebacker set. Against Tennessee, Chris Leak was too hesitant to keep
the ball on the option so they stopped even defending it.
Orson: Yet against Kentucky that changed. Confidence, or lack of
respect for Kentucky's linebackers?
Stranko: I think it was the fact that the D wasn't in the backfield.
WATB: True, we had a five-yard buffer the entire game.
Orson: That won't be the case with Bama. At all.
WATB: So, do we go "rock dumb?" Wynn, Wynn, 10-yard-route, rinse,
repeat?
Orson: Probably. That seemed to work last time. I'll play the part of
Brent Musberger here and remind everyone to keep an eye on the kick
game; Bama's coverage teams have been pedestrian at best.
WATB: Our return game has been sedentary at best.
Stranko: And our coverage against Kentucky was horrid.
Orson: Also true. But we defend well, and already have a block this
year. That could be key. Note classic pundit move: revert to "specials
teams are key" cliché when you don't have a clue how it's going to go.
Stranko: What is our biggest advantage?
WATB: It's all about intangibles.
Orson: One team's gonna want it more.
WATB: How is Florida going to respond to the atmosphere?
Stranko: Now we should be able to start to quantify the intangibles,
thus making them tangible. I'm not concerned about the atmosphere, Urban
has them believing and mentally tough. Plus it's easier to hike out of
the shotgun when you can't hear.
Orson: STOP! I can't tell your clichés from your questions!
Orson: The atmosphere at Legion Field isn't all that, from what I've
heard.
Look up "Alabama fans" on Google image search and this is the first result you get. No lie.
WATB: So what's our biggest advantage? I'm not sure what our definitive
strength is. This is a weird matchup. I really have no idea what
kinda game Meyer is going to call on offense. I suspect a Wynn-heavy
attack, but I have NO idea how our o-line is going to play. Wow, that's not
an answer at all, is it?
Orson: Not really. It's pretty much what I'm thinking, though. The
worst thing about this team is the uncertainty. If I had to bet on one
team, it would be Florida, but only because Bama hasn't played anyone yet,
really.
Stranko: And there is an overall talent and depth differential.
Orson: Ehhh, the depth thing is debatable on defense. Not on the O,
though.
Stranko: They have the same lack of D-line depth we do. Don't forget,
they are recovering from probation.
Orson: I'd like to enter the cuddly, fuzzy portion of the show where we
say something nice about the opponent. Who's the Red Rover player from
Bama? The one you'd happily call over to your side?
WATB: Darby. Easy. Although as an RB, Meyer would be so far in his
head right now, he could be shivering and muttering to himself on the
sidelines four games in.
Stranko: I'm with the Boys on that one.
Orson: I'd take Prothro. Imagine him in the Caldwell/Cornelius role.
Waterbug-type runner with the famously freaky hands.
Stranko: One team can only have so many of those on the field at any
given time.
Orson: I'd be willing to test that. Of course, I did see Scarlet
Letter in the theater, too.
WATB: I think the CBS crew might mention once or twice that Chad
Jackson turned down Bama to come to Gainesville. Should we expect the
requisite "spotlight-WR-gets-150-yards-and-2-tds-game" from Chad?
Orson: Yes. He's getting better and better. No, really... That's a good
line: what are the storylines that will be run into the ground after
three hours, and what are the ones that no one will mention despite them
being plainly obvious to all concerned?
WATB: The big storylines: 1) Bama's biggest game since, 2) they knocked
us off twice in 1999; 3) Jackson's homecoming.
Gator fans would like to avoid anything reminding us of this secretary-banging doofus.
Orson: Obvious line: "Bama's back!"
WATB: I think the obvious, ignored line will be when Bama goes up 3-0
or 7-0... they'll declare a return to greatness for the Tide, then we'll
rattle off a slow 17 or so, and the Gators' dominance is completely
disregarded. I hope.
Orson: The Jackson one is a strong suspect. Verne Lundquist will be
repeating it in his sleep that night.
Stranko: If we win 38-0 do you think Bob Davie will talk about how
their defense really dominated the game?
Stranko: I think I just saw an adult Winnie Cooper on Sci-Fi channel
while flipping??? I thought she was some kind of mathematician or
something.
Orson: Does she still look like she has a vitamin deficiency?
WATB: I saw the "Blossom" True Hollywood Story last night. She. Is.
Ginormous. Very jarring.
Orson: Tall? Or obese?
WATB: Obese.
Orson: She blossomed.
WATB: She Awesome Blossomed.
Orson: Maybe that hat looks like it fits now. Poor girl. Just needed
some fish in her diet.
Stranko: Back to the Gators...
Orson: If we win...?
WATB: Root like hell for ASU.
Stranko: I am torn about that.
Stranko: On one hand, USC will lose, on the other, it means the Pac 10
isn't as bad as I think it is. Bad is the wrong word... mediocre.
Orson: Seems premature. But I'm a pessimist down to the waders I wear
24/7 waiting for the flood. I'll believe the zombie's dead when someone
bashes its head in with a shovel. Not until then.
WATB: I worry that if it's us and USC with one loss apiece at the end
of the year, USC stays well ahead of us in the polls.
Orson: That would be the case.
Stranko: So, what is your best guess on the final score?
WATB: 24-10, thereabouts. And it'll be an ugly 24.
Orson: 27-24. I'll be sweating blood.
Stranko: I'll go with 24-14. Meyer plays it close to the vest (not of
the sweater variety) in a tough game on the road.
Stranko: LSU v. Tennessee is an Instant Classic??? Nice finish, but
the game as a whole was about miscues and errors.
WATB: Hey, you can only show so many episodes of "Cheap Seats." Gotta
fill programming somehow.
Stranko: I thought they just defaulted to poker.
Orson: Classics have flaws. Look at the El Camino.
WATB: The El Camino had flaws?
Stranko: Only if you didn't put astroturf in the bed.
Beautiful, but not flawless.
Orson: Yes, because the Conscience of a Nation got in trouble once
because of an El Camino. But that's between her and the Florida DLE.
WATB: Buildup wise for the Gators, do you guys sense we aren't treating
this as a big a game as it should be?
Orson: Not here. We're writing a whole piece Friday about it.
Stranko: I would say yes/maybe.
Orson: It's huge.
WATB: The UT game had a tremendous sense of importance. I don't really
sense the urgency this week.
Stranko: It is a huge game, but so is LSU, Tennessee, FSU. Georgia, of
course. And perhaps even Vandy.
Stranko: What about the return of Spurrier against the Gators?
Orson: I guess the strange feeling about this year is that any of the
games seem huge to me.
Stranko: The season is full of big games, unless you are in the Pac-10.
WATB: Ya know what, EVERY game (even Miss. St.) has a huge story behind
it. This week doesn't really have a "hook."
Stranko: This discussion is making me flash back to 1999. I sat next
to the Bama Band playing "Superman" non-stop.
Orson: Horrible. Glad I was out of the country.
Stranko: And my buddy wasn't getting upset enough about the score
because he was slowly falling in love with a Bama cheerleader.
Orson: Traitor. It's always pussy that does it.
Stranko: And given the fact that we were about eye-level on the lift
moves, that is exactly what it was.
WATB: I was in the emergency room with a broken nose for the first game
in '99. Had to hear about it on the way home.
Orson: How'd you break your nose?
WATB: Jumped off a boat at 35 mph the day before. Didn't end well when
I hit the water.
Orson: You ARE Joe Kickass.
Stranko: I must wrap up... must pack for long ass drive to Tuscaloosa
while still being rested enough for work.
WATB: Ooooh... Roadie!
Stranko: Oh yeah.
WATB: Stranko, final thoughts on what you expect to see in Tuscaloosa,
off-the-field?
Stranko: I heard that the stadium is a bit up a hill and that it is
pretty cool as you approach it... kind of holy looking.
WATB: Will you be wearing UAA-issued jean shorts?
Stranko: I also expect to see Gator fans being completely obnoxious.
Orson: Answer the question, counselor. Jean shorts?
Stranko: NOOOOO. Mrs. Montana forbids it.
Orson: Ohh, are you kidding me? I'm totally wearing mine.
Stranko: But I will say that Baby Montana was given a mini jersey and
jean shorts as a gag.
Orson: Good.
Stranko: At the Tennessee game, the Vols wore jorts in the same
proportion that the Gators did. I wonder if the same will be said about Bama.
Orson: I expect Duck Head slacks.
Stranko: Do they still exist?
WATB: I've never really seen the Gators/jean shorts thing. Not since
1995, at least. You'll see a lotta Duck Head slacks and long bangs.
Stranko: The southern Mop cut.
Orson: Brodie clones. Hey, one motivational quote here...
Orson: Note: working on a powerful mullet right now. Now the quote:
Stranko: Let's hear it.
Orson: The Gators know they will have to come out with more fire for
the rest of the season if they plan on staying in the race for the SEC
East title. "We are not out of it," Doug Johnson said. "We are going to
come back next week, regroup and try to win out. We know that we are
still in the driver's seat. Hopefully we will be seeing those guys
(Alabama) in Atlanta." -- Alligator, Oct. 4, 1999, after the first loss to
Bama.
Stranko: You bastard... those were dark days.
WATB: Well, we WERE in the driver's seat. We just wrapped the Metro
around a telephone pole.
Stranko: We got our asses handed to us and I was watching it after
getting home from day 2 of a three-day wake.
Orson: Sorry. I left you alone. I was in Nepal.
Stranko: It is time to erase those bad memories.
Stranko: Let's nut up and go!
Orson: Well said. Have fun packing. And tell Mrs. Montana, who may
hate me for eventually contributing to the ruin of your adult life, I look
forward to seeing her.