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Continuing our homage to the Ed Orgeron of the financial world, Jim Cramer, we offer you our Buys, Sells and Holds.

"The Bears have come to pasture in Pittsburg and their outlook is worse than Enron... get the Panthers out of your portfolio!!!!!"

Stranko's Buys:

South Carolina: By all rights, the Cocks should have been destroyed by the Dawgs between the hedges, but the Evil Genius is now a factor again. South Carolina was a kicker away from pulling off the upset and landing themselves in the top 15. Instead they fell a little short, but left me impressed.

Vandy: Break up the Commodores! They are on a roll and might not be stoppable. On a serious note, bravo for Vandy in pulling off two upsets in a row. Perhaps they'll be favored in some games this year if they keep this up.

Texas: Mack Brown actually had a team come from behind to beat a top 5 opponent... and on the road no less. Just as surprising is that Vince Young did it as much with his arm and his legs. If his passing keeps improving (and it still has a way to go), they'll be playing in the Rose Bowl.

Orson's Buys

LSU. A sketchy pass call will be the talk of the week--among the tinfoil-hat crowd it already is--but LSU pulled off the most flabbergasting comeback of the year thus far by scoring 21 points in the fourth to beat Arizona State in Tempe. Sam Keller's rabid passing day deserved better, but if a team can win a rescheduled road game in a hostile environment with half its home state in ruins after getting their ass handed to them for three quarters...well, they're capable of just about anything in our book.

Boston College. Throw your voice! Amaze your friends at parties! Get in on the ground floor of the Boston College bandwagon before they beat FSU in Chestnut Hill next week! Two workmanlike performances and nothing to suggest they can't beat the headress off the Seminoles in a brand-new environment for them next week. But FSU scored 60 plus this week! On the Lords of Discipline from the Citadel, of course. Jeff Bowden's offense is still the foot on the brake pedal of the Seminole Express, and they're going nowhere serious until he's gone.

Clemson. Another upset look for next week prompting the pre-emptive peeking preview pick. (Alliteration running amok here...) Two close victories in a row and the Tigers suddenly look like everything Tommy Bowden's teams have never been: efficient, consistent, and tough. They also boast the two best trophies of any team yet: wins over TAMU and Maryland, two tough teams who they played to the wire in last-second scrapers. Miami comes to Death Valley next week, and if Clemson double-teams X-Box monster Gregg Olson at TE, Miami won't have anything close to an established offensive threat to go to in a tight game.

Stranko's Sells:

The Big 10: They went from the best conference in football to highly suspect in one saturday. Michigan, Ohio State and Iowa all went down in games they were expected to win. Only Ohio State looked pretty good in the process.

Orson's sells.

Iowa. Drew Tate goes out and they score 3 points against the Cyclones. Did they run out of meth before the game?

Pitt. Dave Wannstedt is speaking Esperanto to his players right now, and in the words of Blue-Gray Sky, Pitt is spitting parts on the off-ramp in game two. Louisville may score infinity on them.

TCU. After defeating Switzer and the Sooners in the upset of the '80s last week, the Horned Frogs lose to powerhouse SMU. Hard to beat a team with Craig James and Eric Dickerson in the same backfield.

Stranko's Holds:

Florida: Urban Meyer finally had the balance he was looking for as the Gators rolled up another 400+ yards of offense while the defense dominated again. The problem is that it was only against Lousiana Tech. Next week they'll have the opportunity to prove it for real against the Vols.

Arizona State: Last week I was buying but this week they lost what was really a home game against a weary and distracted LSU squad. But I'm not selling. They looked good in defeat and regardless of the mental state of the Tigers, they are as talented a squad as there is in college football.

Georgia Tech: Another win and the possible emergence of a second receiving threat. But they didn't look as good against a mediocre North Carolina team as they did in week 1. I don't have faith in them yet, but they've got potential.

Orson's Holds:

Arizona State. Much respek, Stranko. ASU lost that game to the abundantly talented Tigers on a dubious catch call for the eminently monikered Early Doucet and that was all that separated the two teams--period. Sam Keller had an eye-popping stat line (35-56, 466 and 4 TDs) and the D looked better than expected. Special teams, though, are ass-clench bad here.

Notre Dame They won again, but played like the Italian national soccer team by scoring a couple of quickies early and then squatting on the 14-point lead like they'd run up 35 in the first half. Bright side? The defense, which hit Chad Henne with the retard ray. Downsides? Zero ability to put the ball downfield, as criminal Lou Holtz noted on ESPN.

Georgia. Won their annual Underwhelm Bowl with a less-talented SC squad, but exacerbated UGA fans' worst anxieties with Shockley looking confused, the wideouts disappearing for long stretches of the game, and ineffective play calling against SC Defensive coordinator's gimmicky "bucket of minnows" defense. Bob Davie was screaming for Richt to "run right at them," which Richt steadfastly refused to do. When Davie figures something out that you don't...ugh...