MANDEL ON INTERSECTIONAL GAMES: ‘CUZ IT WOULD BE COOOOL.
Why do we like Stewart Mandel? For articles like this piece on intersectional rivalries, where his whole argument boils down to this: because it would be really, really cool.
September 8, 2025
COCKS AND HEELS TO GET IT ON IN 07
The interstate football rivalry between South Carolina and North Carolina is set to resume in 2007 in Chapel Hill. The home and home will be completed in 2010 when the Heels make their way to Columbia. Expect Spurrier to have some good bulletin board material about UNC by 07.
LIVIN’ IN A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER
Soonerfark, by request, changes the face of Western art again with their tribute to Ole Miss’ resident bipolar case, Ed Orgeron. Superb work, y’all.
AN ENIGMA WRAPPED IN A RIDDLE CLOAKED BY BAD SUNGLASSES
We sat breathless with the rest of the nation as we watched at least fifteen minutes of coverage of NFL star Michael Vick eating French Fries with his toadies on the sidelines of the Va. Tech/NC State game, wondering the same things many were wondering: will the three pound rocks hanging in either ear eventually make him an honorary member of the Kayan tribe? Does he bang in his white tee? Does he slang in it, as well? And if he got ketchup on it, would one of the assorted handlers kneel hurriedly in front of him and immediately apply Oxi-clean and water with a spray bottle he keeps in his back pocket?
We weren’t the only one wondering a few things while watching the game: Section Six wonders if the Wolfpack’s brain trust exists at all, pronouncing the team “crappy knock-offs” of the marauding FSU teams of the ’90s as long as NC State continues to play dumb football. StateFansNation says even his daughter knew they were bound for defeat. Sitting here on Thursday, the game still bothers us: the Wolfpack ran their asses off the whole game, hit as hard as any team we saw that weekend, and lost because the boob in the red shoes and his staff consistently put them in tough spots throughout the game. And while we love a little flair, the bad, ZZ Top circa Eliminator glasses have to go Chuck; we know they draw the cameras, but in your case a whole lot of attention for a team that’s been misfiring for a year now could prove fatal to your coaching career.
Oakleys? Why doesn’t he just wear a sleeveless t-shirt and have the team come out to Loverboy?
MACK GOES FOR NUMBER TWO THIS WEEKEND.
Ghastly: Mack Brown is 1-12 against top five teams at Texas.
ED ORGERON CELEBRATES VICTORY WITH RITUAL SLAUGHTER, APPLICATION OF BRONZER
You may wonder why we, big fans of ass-slappin’, team-wrasslin’ Cajun lunatic Ed Orgeron didn’t mention his first victory as Ole Miss coach this past weekend over the clearly undermanned Memphis Tigers. Well, someone beat us to the perfect bit first. Nice work, Joey.
SOLON’S PICKS, WEEK TWO: HOW TO PUNT IT BEHIND YOUR OWN ASS
I have an uncle, a bit of a know-it-all type, who once when Solon was younger, decided he would show me and my friends how to punt a football. Problem was, when he would do it, his form was such that he actually would kick the ball slightly behind him. After a couple of attempts where this occurred, my friend Gene suggested to my uncle that he catch the snap, turn his ass toward the line of scrimmage, and punt while facing in that direction. This pissed off my uncle, who then left, which was what we all wanted anyway; Gene was hailed as a hero.
My attempt to play the hero is to tell readers that on the first week’s evidence it seems they should do something similar with my picks. If you had played the opposite of my selections last week, you’d have gone a healthy 7-4.
Our resident punter hopes to recover from some nasty blocks in week one.
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EDSBS MOMENT OF ZEN
There are some stupid people in this world.
