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WALTERS' PICKS: CRACKING ON SOPHIE B. HAWKINS

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In the midst of CNNSI writer John Walters' picks column for the coming week we find this astonishingly inaccurate comment amid the numerous Shecky Greeneisms:

Boise State coach Dan Hawkins has the best record of any I-A coach this decade (44-6) ... whereas Sophie B. Hawkins had the worst record of any artist last decade (c'mon, sing it: "Damn! I wish I was your lover ..."). I mean, even grammatically, that's incorrect.


At least she looked hot crawling on the floor in a toga in the video.

In addition to deserving a foul for the forced segue, there's an issue of atrocious imprecision, too.

Maybe John got lucky and was surrounded by glamour 24/7 during the Flannel Decade, but we were in the Tampa Bay area for a considerable amount of time in the 1990s, where it's 1987 all the time no matter the date. Plenty of shit on the radio stank worse that the crapulent "Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover," and at least she looked hot crawling around on the floor in the video. To wit:

"Tubthumping" by Chumbawumba? "My Boo" by Ghosttown DJs? "I Would Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That)" by Meat Loaf? "All My Life" by Jodeci? Anything by Jodeci besides "Lately" from the Unplugged special by Jodeci? "Indian Outlaw by Tim McGraw"? "Bugs" by Pearl Jam? "Dog Shit" from the carcass that was the second Wu-Tang album? "Tease Me, Please Me," by the Scorpions?

Q.E.D., motherfucker. Please add your supporting evidence in the comments below.

*** Stranko's Interjection: As for Sophie, you forgot to mention the lesbian chic thing she had going for her (or make fun of her appearance on Hit Me Baby One More Time). Lay off of Tubthumping because any song by anarchists with the refrain about getting pissed from a variety of fermented beverages isn't all bad. You're never gonna keep them down! As for worst song, how could you leave Canada's own Tom Cochran off the list for his horrific "Life is a highway" nonsense.