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ROBERT JOHNSON NAMED STARTER AT ARKANSAS. UP JUMPED THE DEVIL.

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Robert Johnson was named the starting qb at Arkansas, only confirming that Houston Nutt's tenuous grip on sanity seems to be slipping, since Johnson will have been dead for almost sixty-seven years as of tomorrow. Despite the disadvantages of being what Razorback coaches call "vitality-impaired," Johnson did score higher on the Wunderlich than loping freak and current Jacksonville Jaguars WR Matt Jones did in his time in Fayetteville, prompting Nutt to proclaim Johnson's triumph of the depth chart as "a victory for the oxygen-deficient everywhere." Johnson planned to celebrate by moaning, paying his debt to the devil, and satisfying his endless thirst for brains before the day was through.

We here at EDSBS have heard no mention of plans for Ralph Macchio to be involved in a crappy movie about the Razorback qb's life.