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'71 HUSKERS: GREATEST EVER?

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Evidently, it's fact: the '71 Huskers are the greatest program of all time. We see the results with some degree of comfort--it's interesting to see instinct validated by analysis, even if there's obvious problems with the methodology. (There's gotta be, if only because we don't remember the '98 Vols being anywhere close to as dominant as either the '04 Trojans or the horrid, "destroyer of worlds" Unicrons that were the '95-'96 Huskers.)

Unicron and Nebraska '95-96: Planet-eating bastards from hell.

A lot of the teams instantly popping into your head when the words "badass motherfuckers" are uttered are indeed on the list--'88 Notre Dame, '99 Florida State, and the '97 Michigan team are all on there, along with the '92 Alabama squad that stole Miami's dookie rolls in the "George Teague" Sugar Bowl. (Come on, even if you despise the Tide, you must love a team with a guy named Sam Shade on it. Sounds like an alias for a free clinic herpes test, doesn't it?)

Sam Shade, a permanent member of our "All-Name Team," along with '37 Columbia free safety Dildeau Pupenschitz.
One quibble, though, and one that might send Beano Cook into a frothing rage at us again (he's tried to kill us several times, and will try again): the '45 Army team needs to be struck from the list by default, since it's a pre-integration team. Yes, all measures are relative, and the Blanchard/Davis tandem flat-out crushed its opponents. But it wasn't the same game since half of CFB's current players wouldn't have been eligible under the same system. At least asterisk it, along with '63 Texas. Note also that there's only two pre-integration teams on there, a measure of how profound the difference between the two eras really is. Even taking the relative analysis into account, there's zero reason-absolutely goddamn zero-reason to think those two teams would stay on the field for three seconds with the others on the list.

Blanchard was good, but he played a different game.
Wait, we hear something at the door as we type this...Beano, unless you wanna get tasered, back away right now...(sounds of struggle, grunts, and the hiss of voltage...)