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ESPN TO FILM STORY OF 1951 ARMY TEAM. BEANO COOK IS JACKED.

The same people who brought you The Junction Boys and 3: The Dale Earnhardt Story will now make an account of the 1951 Army cheating scandal, an event largely credited with ending Army's dominance as a program after 37 football players were kicked out for cheating. Promising: scenes of Red Blaik's lonesome end offense, leather helmets, and Scott Glenn, the impossibly wiry guy from Urban Cowboy and Hunt for Red October. Fills us with dread: from the same people who made 3. Nevertheless, when Beano Cook heard the news he got so excited he stole a 12 pack of Iron City Beer from a convenience store, drank the whole thing in his jalopy on the way to Bristol, and brained Lee Corso with an authentic 1946 Army megaphone.

Beano Cook is jacked about the new Army movie. Citizens of Pittsburgh, beware.