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YOU MUST NOT RECOGNIZE HIS RANK AND STATUS

Q. What is Ray Lewis wearing in this scene from last night's Dr. Lou segment? A. The uniform befitting one with the rank of Sergeant-at-Arms in the Imperial Guard of the Republic of...

OH, BRAVO, NINJA COMPLIANCE OFFICER

THIS IS NINJA COMPLIANCE OFFICER. HE STRIKES AT ANY TIME. HIS SILENCE IS HIS WEAPON. HIS STEALTH IS HIS SHIELD. YOUR DEATH IS HIS FOOD. IF HE CANNOT GET FOOD, HE WILL TAKE YOUR REMAINING...

OKLAHOMA APOLOGIZES? AROO?

Somali 1975 Barry Switzer thinks you've gone soft, son. We sometimes think of the Big 12 as the sister conference to the SEC, and for a number of very good reasons. They, too, care a lot about...

FATHERS' DAY EXCLUSIVE: SONG OF THE LUKEWARM POTSTICKER

The following is an excerpt from our upcoming memoir, Song of the Lukewarm Potsticker. It is about the father shared by both Matt Ufford and Spencer Hall: a poet, a madman, a city bus driver, a...

OH, DONNA SHALALA, IT IS ON.

It is bad enough that Florida hasn't won against Miami since 1985. Now Ms. "Oooh, Look at me I was head of Health and Human Services" is talking shit. "We don't admit thugs anymore. We do admit...

CURIOUS INDEX, 4/8/2008

This knife? Um, it's for the bread. Penn State wide receiver Chris Bell pulled an 8-inch knife on a teammate in the cafeteria at Penn State yesterday, and it was just as much fun as you'd...

CURIOUS INDEX, 2/27/08

Nick Saban refers to Alabama's two recent arrests as "a problem." Phil Fulmer scoffs at you, Nick Saban, and wonders if you machine wash your panties separately with non-allergenic soap, or just...

AH, REVENGE BY T-SHIRT

No one excels in the rapid production of taunting memorabilia like the state of Alabama. See the example below for all the evidence you'll need that even the arrest of T.J. Elder, Alabama defensive...

QUALITY PAC-10 RIVALRY TAUNTIN'

The post above is not in error: no weekend features a lower pH in the Pac-10 than this rivalry weekend, where tempers simmer and boil over to nearly angry levels between teams. It's...it's almost...

PEOPLE OF NEBRASKA, PLEASE DO NOT KILL YOUR COACHES

I have tried to be polite. Now you must die. One incontrovertible rule of social dynamics is this: the more polite a society and the more structured it is, the more violent someone in said society...

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