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COACH REDACTED IS INFORMED OF STAFF CHANGES

31

Illinois AD Ron Guenther sits at his desk. Illinois Football Coach [NAME REDACTED] enters the room. Coach [REDACTED]: Mornin', Ron. Guenther: Good morning. Please have a seat. Coach [REDACTED]:...

THE REDACTED REMIX

8

Down? Tryin' to get a spark? Goshdangit, what you need is a canned Garage Band beat with some of [NAME REDACTED]'s finest cuts from his Monday morning interview following another intense,...

THIS EXPLAINS SO, SO VERY MUCH

10

Next time a high profile recruit doesn't work out, avoid the messy, unnecessary step of admitting you can't recruit as a coach, and simply fall back on the new hottnezz: "We offered a scholarship...

FULMER CUPDATE: ILLINOIS LINEBACKER

15

Cautionary tale of getting in barfights, vol. 382394: You never know when you'll find yourself in a robot bar fight, and if you don't think that's a bad scene, just look: Cautionary tale of...

TWEET REDACTED: POSSIBLE REASONS EXPLAINING THIS

10

This is what [NAME REDACTED] tweeted at 3:45 a.m. on Saturday, May 16th: This lapse in twitter protocol could be the result of several things. Since most of you are not accomplished...

MUSCLEBOY, WE'LL TAKE CARE OF YOU LIKE A SON

22

A mid-sized suburban home in Michigan. An unusually wiry boy plays with ten pound weights and does bored pullups on a small pull-up bar. Mother: Well, he's a normal boy in every other way. He just...

FULMER CUPDATE: MAKIN' IT HAPPEN. LIKIN' IT.

13

Mornin' everyone. Feelin' good. Lookin' good. You know it. I know it. Charger the Golf Cart of Victory knows it. Just got a text message from a recruit telling me I'm the sexiest coach. Might be...

ILLINOIZE IN THE SYSTEM WITH [NAME REDACTED]

21

Jeff Allen, Illini lineman: The divergent styles of leadership fascinate me, Jon. Jon Asamoah, Fellow Illini lineman: Me, too. Their endless variations, the ever-changing dynamics of leadership. J...

SKIN, REDACTED

12

It is a common motif in interviews for [NAME REDACTED] to be just cleaning up after a shower. For some reason, he is forever just entering or exiting a bath of some sort during interviews, leading...

NAME REDACTED GIVES CREATIVE NICKNAMES

17

Hey you! You have a lot of hair! I'm likin' it! Ol' Bucket A Hair! That's what I'm callin' ya! All that hair. I'm likin' it. Makes you look like an alien. Or an alien that plays football but with...

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