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EDSBS THE MAGAZINE | VOL. 2 ISSUE 10

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STEFANO FROM MIAMI WOULD LIKE TO ADDRESS THE CROWD

Music blasts at ProPlayer Stadium. The score 33-17 glows on the board. Bats circle the floodlights. Stefano sings along with the PA music. We at the Ro-tel, Motel, Holiday Bin! We at a no tell,...

CURIOUS INDEX, 8/6/09

For lack of a better term, we're calling this the "Kiffin Effect." Pop quiz, hotshot: Coming off a 4-8 season and a 45-0 vivisectioning by your big in-state rival in which you netted all of 37...

CURIOUS INDEX, 8/3/2009

I'm Richie Cunningham, and this is my lovely wife Oprah. Allow myself to introduce . . . myself: I'm Doug Gillett, proprietor of Hey Jenny Slater, occasional contributor to Dr. Saturday, and...

MATT STAFFORD WOULD LIKE A HAT IN SIZE SEXTRA LARGE

This photo is slightly old cheese, but we'd like to note one thing here: while the rest of you were gawking at Stafford's harem, you may not have noticed the hat. The tremendous, pillbox-sized...

A GOOD DAY IS TWO LICENSE PLATE POSTS

"Dear, why is that gentleman waving a gun at us?" "No idea. Perhaps he's trying to indicate his fervent support for gun rights, dear." "Why is he screaming about the gays?" "No clue, honey. Wait:...

HI, I'M MACK BROWN. WOULD YOU LIKE A UNICORN TO SIT ON?

Hello, I'm Mack Brown, the head football coach for the greatest football program in the world, the Texas Longhorns. You might have read that we made $24 million more than our closest rival in the...

FULMER CUP: OKLAHOMA LINEBACKER BLITZES THROUGH THE P GAP

Pissing outside is great. If you really want to make a woman jealous, just pee outside in front of her. She'll likely say, AHHHHHHH WHO ARE YOU I'M CALLING THE COPS. But underneath the skeeved-out...

ALL I SAW WAS THE CORN

Hurr hurr Nebraska corn joke hurr. Nebraska's stadium gets faincy and we make obvious jokes at its expense. Honestly, though, they're doing it to themselves with terms like HuskerVision, which...

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