low--hanging--fruit--is--tastiest Stories - Every Day Should Be Saturday
EDSBS THE MAGAZINE | VOL. 2 ISSUE 10
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STEFANO FROM MIAMI WOULD LIKE TO ADDRESS THE CROWD
Music blasts at ProPlayer Stadium. The score 33-17 glows on the board. Bats circle the floodlights. Stefano sings along with the PA music. We at the Ro-tel, Motel, Holiday Bin! We at a no tell, coat tail, all the way fin! I fuckin' love that song. Brah, you tried to deny the U! You tried! Even...
CURIOUS INDEX, 8/6/09
For lack of a better term, we're calling this the "Kiffin Effect." Pop quiz, hotshot: Coming off a 4-8 season and a 45-0 vivisectioning by your big in-state rival in which you netted all of 37 yards, what do you do? What do you do? Evidently, this: Houston Nutt phoned in just now to say...
CURIOUS INDEX, 8/3/2009
I'm Richie Cunningham, and this is my lovely wife Oprah. Allow myself to introduce . . . myself: I'm Doug Gillett, proprietor of Hey Jenny Slater, occasional contributor to Dr. Saturday, and jet-setting international jewel thief; along with the lovely Holly -- fellow Doc Saturday...
MATT STAFFORD WOULD LIKE A HAT IN SIZE SEXTRA LARGE
This photo is slightly old cheese, but we'd like to note one thing here: while the rest of you were gawking at Stafford's harem, you may not have noticed the hat. The tremendous, pillbox-sized cloth igloo sitting backwards on his head, a hat large enough to bathe a toddler in should you need to, a...
A GOOD DAY IS TWO LICENSE PLATE POSTS
"Dear, why is that gentleman waving a gun at us?" "No idea. Perhaps he's trying to indicate his fervent support for gun rights, dear." "Why is he screaming about the gays?" "No clue, honey. Wait: have you considered that maybe he's a Gamecock fan, too, and has recognized us as fellow...
HI, I'M MACK BROWN. WOULD YOU LIKE A UNICORN TO SIT ON?
Hello, I'm Mack Brown, the head football coach for the greatest football program in the world, the Texas Longhorns. You might have read that we made $24 million more than our closest rival in the Big 12 in 2008, and I just want to address a few concerns. Oh, this? Just pure 24 karat gold leaf. We...
FULMER CUP: OKLAHOMA LINEBACKER BLITZES THROUGH THE P GAP
Pissing outside is great. If you really want to make a woman jealous, just pee outside in front of her. She'll likely say, AHHHHHHH WHO ARE YOU I'M CALLING THE COPS. But underneath the skeeved-out fright and cloud of pepper spray, what she's really trying to say is "Gee, I wish I could pee outside...
ALL I SAW WAS THE CORN
Hurr hurr Nebraska corn joke hurr. Nebraska's stadium gets faincy and we make obvious jokes at its expense. Honestly, though, they're doing it to themselves with terms like HuskerVision, which immediately calls up the red-filmed camera work in the American cinema classic Children of the Corn...
