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EDSBS CASTING COUCH PICKS, WEEK 5
#22 Michigan at Michigan State Holly: Rich Rodriguez IS White Goodman IN Dodgeball. Say, did you know Sparty's chestplate contains actual kevlar? Nice moves, although it won't save them. RichRod is a smug, entitled bastard, but shoo-law does he have a lot of projectiles in his smug, entitled...
EDSBS CASTING COUCH PICKS, WEEK 1
Navy @ #6 Ohio State Terrelle Pryor IS Belle IN La Belle et la Bête. Not the Disney cartoon Beauty & the Beast, but the 1946 Cocteau version where everything is sepia-toned and miserable. (The rest of Columbus is the beast, whom la princesse charms with his gentle, caring ways and methed-up...
CURIOUS INDEX, 8/3/2009
I'm Richie Cunningham, and this is my lovely wife Oprah. Allow myself to introduce . . . myself: I'm Doug Gillett, proprietor of Hey Jenny Slater, occasional contributor to Dr. Saturday, and jet-setting international jewel thief; along with the lovely Holly -- fellow Doc Saturday...
FOOTBALL AS LIFE: CAREER READS 101
Football is like life: it has a playbook, and when it breaks down, people get hurt. The first installment of this series appeared here as "Football Analogizing;" it appears here under a slimmer title. Reads are important on this play, which we'll call CAREER JET BANDIT X FLY D-BO OVER 2. We're...
WHY THE MICHIGAN WOLVERINE DID NOT WORK: ILLUSTRATED
These are the facts: this is the visualization of why Wolverines did not work as the official mascots for Michigan football. Ann Arbor, Michigan, 1920. "Michiganders of all stripes, behold our new mascot! SCREAMYBLOODAGONYUNSUITEDFORHUMANEYES. "Well, now that was a hoo-dilly, now wasn't it?...
BUFFALO WINGS OF DESIRE: A PLAY IN SIX ACTS
You might wonder: how does an overeducated Volunteer fan feel about the game? How does "hallucinating in the key of Wim Wenders sound?" to you? If the answer is "too bizarre for digestion," then read no further; if not, then please, venture into the dark caverns of Holly's subconscious 24 hours...
ARE YOU WITH ME, DR. LOU?
Lou, you tried. They gave you nothing, but you tried. You were stuck out there with a few props, a whistle, and a Starter cap, and you made magic happen. Now they've put you in a suit, forced you to commit a felony by impersonating a doctor, and robbed you of your opportunity to look your...
GAMEDAY REEEEEEEEMIIIIIIIIIIX
Corso hisses. Desmond Howard counts a very special number for Jeremy Maclin. Chris Fowler pronounces Clemson and Alabama fans as "fucked up." Gameday gets the thorough remixing and Unnecessary Censorshop treatment courtesy of Holly's deft digital hands and the magic of TiVo. Enjoy. Gameday Remixed...
CORRECTIONS, 08/08/08
Last week's interview with West Virginia's Steve Slaton inaccurately labeled the following passage as a quote about Slaton's roommate and teammate Pat White: The alarm goes off once, but if you hit snooze he jumps off your nightstand (up to 3 feet) and wheels around your room looking for a place to...
CORRECTIONS, 7/25/2008
Monday's Getting to Know U: Pac-10 profile of Cal quarterback Nate Longshore contained the following inaccurate paragraph: "Nate Longshore is a British Overseas Territory, 16 miles long, and 3 miles at her widest point. Boasting 33 white sand beaches with crystal clear waters, a contemporary...
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