Every Day Should Be Saturday: FanPosts

CHESS MASTERS: COLLEGE FOOTBALL EDITION

2013-06-18T03:54:05Z

PRESENTED BY:

Host: Today we have several special guest chess coaches to take you through the fantastic and exciting world of COMPETITIVE CHESS. With such maneuvers as the "Macovich Gambit," the "Switzer-Frye Opening" and the unforgettable "Schnellenberger Double Castle" you're sure to leave with a better understanding of the game of....KINGS!

Our first guest tonight is the inestimable Greg Davis, here to teach you his secret chess strategy, guaranteed to get you never-before-seen results

Greg Davis: [mumbles unintelligibly]

Host: Right you are, Greg-o! Let's go to the board!

GD: [snort hurk] Option QB naked bootleg rook to E5 [mumble grumble]

Host: Ahhh, yes, the famous Hawkeye two step. A true classic of the genre! And what do you recommend if confronted with the Vandenberg Defense?

GD: /hocks entire can of Skoal into half empty big gulp filled with diet mountain dew "mmmgmaksjdckkk"

Host: .....

GD: /drinks remainder of Big Gulp, scuttles off like a hermit crab

Host: Thanks Greg! And now to our second guest of the knight...(giggles at chess pun) Dana "The Queen is in my Castle" Holgorsen!

/shotguns redbull

//steals phone from host, sends dick pic to host's wife

DH: Let's do this, jagoff

Host: ....

DH: Right, anyways, I'll show you a little move...

I like to call....

Eight verts.

Host: I don't think you ca---

/phone buzzes

"I'm leaving you, Tom"

DH: Later. Tell your wife it was fun well it lasted.

Host: I...I....

DH: /peels out in Dodge Charger with "PUSSY WAGON" written in 3 foot high letters on the side

Host: Well, I guess that brings us to our next guest....CHARLIE WEIS

CW: /farts entire McGriddle "See here what we have is a decided chessmatic advantage and i tellyawhat what we're gonna do here now is make sure we put our pieces in the best strategical position to outmanuever the other pieces and gonna use a highly timing based stratergery and we just gotta get out there and essecute the gameplan and we'll just see who's laughin at the end of the day"

Host: And with that, we turn to the board!

CW: Well what we have here is a simple 3-67 double rook cut route with a timing route pawn and a z-in bishop on the hot route. Now, alls you gotta do is make the correct read and within 3 moves you're staring down a 4-1231 king double pin with a pulling guard and blammo that's the game.

/3 moves later

Host: How the fu---

CW: Well, see, the king just didnt make the right read and if he makes the correct move at 4 moves instead of five then we're talkin a whole different ball game and then the pawn doesnt get hung out to dry and if the bishop runs his route and sticks the in route like he was supposed to, then boom checkmate

Host: But the queen--

CW: IS IT QUEEN WEEK? NO. IT'S KNIGHT WEEK AND WE'RE GONNA TALK ABOUT KNIGHTS.

//screeches off in Amigo

Host: Anyways, it's time for our final guest....Lane Kiffin!

LK: Please. my friends call me "Deep BlueBalls"

Host: Sir, this is a family sh--

LK: "DEEP BLUEBALLS, BUTTHORN. DAD, GET THE BOARD"

/Monte Kiffin shuffles in with "MY FIRST CHESS SET," with all the white pieces replaced with white queens and a single king, all black pieces replaced with 4 pawns

Host: Sir, that's not a regulation board

LK: /HYPERVENTILATES

MK: Shut up, Lane gets upset if he can't use his special board, just roll with it

Host: But...

MK: JUST GO WITH IT, HE GETS CRANKY WITHOUT HIS NAP

Host: Fine. Whatever. Like I spent 35 years becoming a grandmaster to deal with this shit. SET IT UP.

LK: /ppththhhtpppbbtt Butthorn

/board is placed on table

/24 minutes later

Host: I have...I have no words

LK: DAD YOU'RE FIRED THIS IS YOUR FAULT GODAMNIT DAD

/flips board over, spilling chess pieces across the set

MK: /sighs Sorry, I'll get a juice box in him and he'll calm right down. Thanks for your time.

Host: /looks up from half empty bottle of Old Smugglers

"Goodnight. Don't ever play chess."

/fade to black

/credits roll

PRESENTED BY:

Our first guest tonight is the inestimable Greg Davis, here to teach you his secret chess strategy, guaranteed to get you never-before-seen results

Greg Davis: [mumbles unintelligibly]

Host: Right you are, Greg-o! Let's go to the board!

GD: [snort hurk] Option QB naked bootleg rook to E5 [mumble grumble]

Host: Ahhh, yes, the famous Hawkeye two step. A true classic of the genre! And what do you recommend if confronted with the Vandenberg Defense?

GD: /hocks entire can of Skoal into half empty big gulp filled with diet mountain dew "mmmgmaksjdckkk"

Host: .....

GD: /drinks remainder of Big Gulp, scuttles off like a hermit crab

Host: Thanks Greg! And now to our second guest of the knight...(giggles at chess pun) Dana "The Queen is in my Castle" Holgorsen!

/shotguns redbull

//steals phone from host, sends dick pic to host's wife

DH: Let's do this, jagoff

Host: ....

DH: Right, anyways, I'll show you a little move...

I like to call....

Eight verts.

Host: I don't think you ca---

/phone buzzes

"I'm leaving you, Tom"

DH: Later. Tell your wife it was fun well it lasted.

Host: I...I....

DH: /peels out in Dodge Charger with "PUSSY WAGON" written in 3 foot high letters on the side

Host: Well, I guess that brings us to our next guest....CHARLIE WEIS

Host: And with that, we turn to the board!

/3 moves later

Host: How the fu---

Host: But the queen--

CW: IS IT QUEEN WEEK? NO. IT'S KNIGHT WEEK AND WE'RE GONNA TALK ABOUT KNIGHTS.

//screeches off in Amigo

Host: Anyways, it's time for our final guest....Lane Kiffin!

LK: Please. my friends call me "Deep BlueBalls"

Host: Sir, this is a family sh--

LK: "DEEP BLUEBALLS, BUTTHORN. DAD, GET THE BOARD"

/Monte Kiffin shuffles in with "MY FIRST CHESS SET," with all the white pieces replaced with white queens and a single king, all black pieces replaced with 4 pawns

Host: Sir, that's not a regulation board

LK: /HYPERVENTILATES

MK: Shut up, Lane gets upset if he can't use his special board, just roll with it

Host: But...

MK: JUST GO WITH IT, HE GETS CRANKY WITHOUT HIS NAP

Host: Fine. Whatever. Like I spent 35 years becoming a grandmaster to deal with this shit. SET IT UP.

LK: /ppththhhtpppbbtt Butthorn

/board is placed on table

/24 minutes later

Host: I have...I have no words

LK: DAD YOU'RE FIRED THIS IS YOUR FAULT GODAMNIT DAD

/flips board over, spilling chess pieces across the set

MK: /sighs Sorry, I'll get a juice box in him and he'll calm right down. Thanks for your time.

Host: /looks up from half empty bottle of Old Smugglers

"Goodnight. Don't ever play chess."

/fade to black

/credits roll

Meme Bracket, Round of 32, Match 4.

2013-06-10T14:28:38Z

Ron Prince and the Closet of Spiders

A sense of dread racked Ron's entire body, although there was nothing in the otherwise quiet room to prompt it, as if he had just seen his team favored by 10 over Nebraska in the Vegas lines. If he were a painter, he might have remarked on the strangeness of the shadows- how they projected across the dank cellar wall much further than their light source would have allowed- but Ron Prince wasn't a painter. At this moment, he wasn't sure what he was, in fact, and realizing that, for the first time, but assuredly not the last, Ron regretted the entire past year. He should have ignored the large, snowy owl the way Rice alumni ignore theirs. He should have wadded up the scroll the second it had been opened, and thrown it into his quaint-yet-well-furnished duplex's faux fireplace. He should have ignored the words that dictated this past year, that put him in this terrifying situation.

"RonP4Hogwarts." That simple hashtag both created and ruined his entire life.

The door he came for loomed before him, daring him, teasing him. The shadows around the looming doorframe danced like Miami players after a routine sack, dangerous and ludicrous at the same time. His hand trembled as he reached, withdrew, and then reached again. He half expected the door to burst open of its own accord, revealing some awful piece of dark magic waiting to eviscerate him, a blast of green light waiting to Avada Kedavra him right out of the world.

As he pondered the worst situation, the door moved. Not a burst, not flying off the hinges, but opened ever so slightly. And then he heard it. A million tiny little voices, overlapping with sadistic glee. He didn't dare to move an inch, so he listened to the cacophony, trying to make out any words. It wasn't Parseltounge, the language of snakes, he was fluent in that from his proximity to Al Groh for all those years. This was English- a million tiny voices chanting their own phrases over and over. He put his ear as close to the door as he could get up the courage to do, and, given the slightest bit of attention and validation, the millions of spiders rushed out en masse. Everything he had read in Hogwarts, a History was wrong. The long-fabled Closet of Spiders was far from a myth; the proof was now swarming over Ron's body and face, each chanting its own squeaky-voiced mantra.

"The separation of church and state ISN'T IN THE CONSTITUTION!" a tarantula yelled as it weaved its eight hairy legs into his hair.

"The second amendment was written for men with muskets and has no modern relevance." squeaked a daddy longlegs, indifferent to the fact that he wasn't a real spider.

"Jerry Sandusky wouldn't ha..." Ron didn't let that one finish before he smashed it into a pulp on the ground. Some things are too terrible and stupid to listen to, even when one is covered in spiders.

With all the strength he could manage, Ron pulled himself from the ground. Unfortunately Professor Saban had left Hogwarts for Alabama before he could teach them this part of the dark arts, so Ron racked his brain to remember anything, anything at all from his textbooks. Then there it was. It wasn't precise, but it might just do the trick. He shook his wand free from the horde and pointed it at a small group of garden spiders discussing collectivism and Atlas Shrugged.

"TYRANNOSAURUS REXIUM!" he shouted. He wasn't sure what to expect, and at first glance, it seemed as if the spell had zero effect. Then he realized the din was just a little bit quieter. The small group that had been hit with his spell were now silent, and aware of their loss of power, scurried off under baseboards and furniture. Ron took the slightest moment to celebrate, then went back to work. "ALEXIA MORGANA!" A group disappeared with a poof. "PANTHERA LEO!" The spiders turned into dust bunnies, which blew in the wind of the drafty room. Ron pulled back for the final spell, before they overcame him.

"HOW FUCKING FASCINATINGUM LEVIOSA." The spiders rose into the air, and Ron saw his chance for escape. He turned around to run, to come back with reinforcements, but his way was blocked by a giant shadowy figure in a robe, aiming a long, slender pecan wand in his direction. Its mouth opened as its wand rose. "Petrificus Totalus!"

"Addazio!" Ron shouted as he dove out of the way of the menacing green light, which ricocheted throughout the chamber before bouncing back to hit the shadowy figure square on in the chest, leaving it paralyzed and still. Ron dashed to the figure and tore its hood off, expecting the worst- a Death Eater, or even, Voldemort himself. But Ron would never have guessed what was waiting for him.

Mack Brown lay paralyzed on the basement floor. His eyes revealed that he was completely aware, but the spell had prevented him from talking. Ron struggled to remember the spell that would cause one to speak freely with no internal censor, and then it came to him. "Spurrierio," he said softly, and a golf ball sized orange light entered Brown's throat and he began to speak.

"How are you surprised, Ron, that I'm the one behind the Closet of Spiders? Everything Texas football does is about politics these days. This was a natural fit." Ron turned to look back at the closet, to try to make sense of it all, and then turned back to Mack Brown.

Who was now standing in front of him. "Expelliarmus," Mack yelled, and Ron's wand went flying into the air, landing as far out of his reach as if Joe Bauserman had tossed it to him.

"But, but how... how did you," Ron stuttered.

"Oh Ron, Ron, Ron. All I had to do was use this." He held up an hourglass full of burnt orange sand. "This lovely little item gives me an extra second of time whenever I need it, and that's all it took to dodge that spell and be right back here." Mack Brown's face changed from menacing to pure evil, and Ron was sure he was about to use the most painful, heart-breaking spell he could possibly dream of. "Marceldareusia!" Mack yelled. As the world went black, Ron thought he saw another figure enter, another voice speak. Maybe this was what dying was like.

He was roughly shaken awake by a pleasant voice. "Ron. Ron, wake up." The face of Bill Snyder entered his opening eyes. "You've done what you can, Ron, but from here on, you'll need a real wizard to handle things here. This wasn't the first time I had to beat Mack Brown, and it won't be the last."

"So, so I'm free to just go home? To go back to my real life?"

"Not quite, Ron. Look. He was holding this when I beat him." Bill Snyder unfolded a piece of parchment, containing one phrase: RonP4ChosenOne. "There's a new assignment for you, Ron, and it's a terrifying one. You'll have to fight millions of the worst creatures you've ever seen, and they're all invisible."

"Are they boggarts? Dementors? Demons?" Ron shuddered.

"Worse, Ron. They're New Jerseyans."

Thanks to whoever suggested the Harry Potter parody!

Ron Prince and the Closet of Spiders

"RonP4Hogwarts." That simple hashtag both created and ruined his entire life.

"The separation of church and state ISN'T IN THE CONSTITUTION!" a tarantula yelled as it weaved its eight hairy legs into his hair.

"The second amendment was written for men with muskets and has no modern relevance." squeaked a daddy longlegs, indifferent to the fact that he wasn't a real spider.

Who was now standing in front of him. "Expelliarmus," Mack yelled, and Ron's wand went flying into the air, landing as far out of his reach as if Joe Bauserman had tossed it to him.

"But, but how... how did you," Ron stuttered.

"So, so I'm free to just go home? To go back to my real life?"

"Are they boggarts? Dementors? Demons?" Ron shuddered.

"Worse, Ron. They're New Jerseyans."

Thanks to whoever suggested the Harry Potter parody!

Poll

Who should advance to the Sweet Sixteen

EDSBS Fantasy Football is back for Season 3

2013-06-07T17:53:45Z

It's that time of year again. Summer is starting. Crimes are being committed. Notre Dame and Florida State are BACK! And now, Fantasy Football is back for your enjoyment. In our second season ever last year, we added league fees and for the first time offered a cash prize. Last year ended with McNutter Butter, led by resident lurker Ross Binder, capping off a dominant 21-2 season with a championship victory over Chloe Denmark, for a grand prize of 150 dollars. Last year saw 24 teams ultimately play, and this year I look to keep the same number as it works very well. Here are the basic stats of the league:

24 Teams

Play 2 Games a Week

10 Week Season with an 8 team playoff

Scoring is as follows, but is subject to change.

Preference in joining is given in this order:

1. Those who have had a team

2. Those who comment regularly

3. Those who lurk

4. Friends of commenters

Last year we had a league fee of 10 dollars per team, which led to a 240 dollar prize pool. I'm leaving it up to debate (for returning teams only) what the fee should be this year. Here is the pay table depending on what you vote for.

$10: $240

$15: $360

$20: $480

$25: $600

$50: $1200

Payouts were given to Top 4 teams last year, and for $20 and under will be kept to four teams. Any more, and all playoff teams will get prizes.

Players with first choice to come back:

Peter Gray/runthedive

TexaninNYC

SC_Ute

emc503

T-Jax

Chloe Denmark

Allicolls

Georgia Tech Welshie

alpelican

VandyImport

Specter

Ross Binder

ElRocco

Justin Wylam

LondonJoe

Nirav Pirakh

Jeff Shelton

IndyDevil

Borealis

irishjugg

Hondros

MikeLew

Dudebrabroman

For returners, when replying, state your preference for league fees, as well as interest on keepers. Sign ups on CBS Sports will open up in the next month.

24 Teams

Play 2 Games a Week

10 Week Season with an 8 team playoff

Scoring is as follows, but is subject to change.

Preference in joining is given in this order:

1. Those who have had a team

2. Those who comment regularly

3. Those who lurk

4. Friends of commenters

$10: $240

$15: $360

$20: $480

$25: $600

$50: $1200

Payouts were given to Top 4 teams last year, and for $20 and under will be kept to four teams. Any more, and all playoff teams will get prizes.

Players with first choice to come back:

Peter Gray/runthedive

TexaninNYC

SC_Ute

emc503

T-Jax

Chloe Denmark

Allicolls

Georgia Tech Welshie

alpelican

VandyImport

Specter

Ross Binder

ElRocco

Justin Wylam

LondonJoe

Nirav Pirakh

Jeff Shelton

IndyDevil

Borealis

irishjugg

Hondros

MikeLew

Dudebrabroman

For returners, when replying, state your preference for league fees, as well as interest on keepers. Sign ups on CBS Sports will open up in the next month.

MSECU Radio: Dorm Edition

2013-06-07T03:33:08Z

Has it already been 2 weeks? We are back with another episode of MSECU Radio. I'm joined by Alli, Saxattack, Nick, AubGSU, and Jokasrength to talk college football. We cover a few fun bowl predictions, tailgating nonsense, and a few other odds and ends. Oh, and make sure you stick around for Erik T's rant at the end of things.

As always you can listen below or subscribe on iTunes. Just search MSECU Radio.

Podcast Podcast Podcast

Whose Coach Is It Anyway?

2013-05-29T16:20:33Z

Welcome to "Every Day Should Be Saturday," where everything is made up and the points don't matter! That's right, the points are like the BCS rankings of second-place teams in the ACC and the Big East. We're going to play a game for you called Superheroes. We'll start with one person and then the rest will be made up on the spot. Give me the name of an unlikely superhero.

HAT MAN!

And what is Hat Man's problem?

OUT OF TAFFY!

Hat Man, the world is running out of taffy! What are you going to do?

Weeping Woeojuwejhdjwe! We're running out of taffy! Something needs to be done! I'll need my super friends for this.

You rang?

Captain Cougar! Thank goodness you're here!

/swings sword

They prefer to be called "experienced."

I heard there was trouble and you needed help.

Gnaws-on-Things Man! No taffy! It's horrible!

/starts gnawing on Captain Cougar's leg

Hey! That's genuine western hemlock wood!

Sorry, force of habit. About the taffy: Have you considered switching to nicely bronzed pork?

Do you have some?

No, but I know where we can get some. I need to draw up more onside kicks first.

I received a telegram that said there was a taffy shortage.

(gasp) The Purple Wizard!

In my day, we didn't need taffy. We did what we could with bundles of wheat and juco players. Now watch me turn Mack Brown into a pumpkin.

OOOOOOOHHHHHHH

The Crimson Midget's plan has been foiled again. Wow! What a day!

Credit to Black Heart Gold Pants for the format idea.

HAT MAN!

And what is Hat Man's problem?

OUT OF TAFFY!

Hat Man, the world is running out of taffy! What are you going to do?

Weeping Woeojuwejhdjwe! We're running out of taffy! Something needs to be done! I'll need my super friends for this.

You rang?

Captain Cougar! Thank goodness you're here!

/swings sword

They prefer to be called "experienced."

I heard there was trouble and you needed help.

Gnaws-on-Things Man! No taffy! It's horrible!

/starts gnawing on Captain Cougar's leg

Hey! That's genuine western hemlock wood!

Sorry, force of habit. About the taffy: Have you considered switching to nicely bronzed pork?

Do you have some?

No, but I know where we can get some. I need to draw up more onside kicks first.

I received a telegram that said there was a taffy shortage.

(gasp) The Purple Wizard!

In my day, we didn't need taffy. We did what we could with bundles of wheat and juco players. Now watch me turn Mack Brown into a pumpkin.

OOOOOOOHHHHHHH

The Crimson Midget's plan has been foiled again. Wow! What a day!

Credit to Black Heart Gold Pants for the format idea.

I Just Want To Thank All Of You

2013-05-24T23:52:48Z

I'm sure at this point most people have seen my post about it, but I just wanted to thank everyone again for the support and accolades concerning my article about depression and how I dealt with it. Of course, I have to give big thanks for the people around here who gave me a fun place to go when I felt the worst, and dealt with a lot of my manic bullshit the past several months as I've snapped at more people and became more standoffish. I actually thought about opening up about my issues in my first couple of days posting on this website years ago. I had planned to write an anonymous fanpost pretty similar to my article, asking for help. Of course, I didn't, because I felt it showed disrespect to Spencer to hijack his site as a forum to come out and seek help from people who were, still at the time, strangers. Of course I twisted, thought that I was a terrible person for even thinking of that, and let that fester of course. Finally though, I just want to say thanks to all of the people here. I'd love to mention specific users, but I'd be afraid that I had forgotten people, and don't want to seem like an asshole mentioning some people and not mentioning others. I'll just say that this might have been one of the things that made me feel really good about myself at a bad time.

Casting The Great Gatsby, SEC Coaches Edition

2013-05-24T19:57:08Z

The Great Gatsby movie just came out. I love the book, and I-- unlike most-- loved the movie as well. The only way it could be better is if the cast were all SEC football coaches.

Let's kick this off, PAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWL.

Characters

Jay Gatsby: Joker Phillips

In the novel, Gatsby had all the assets he could ever want, but lost them when he died. All he wants is to be in love with Daisy. Joker Phillips had all he could ask for at Kentucky, but lost it all. All Joker Phillips wants is wide receivers.

#ComePlayWRForTheJoker

Nick Carraway: Kevin Sumlin

Kevin's new here, just like Nick was new to New York. They both are likeable people thrown right into the middle of all the action, and you know by the end of the road their life will be in shambles. Welcome to the SEC, Kevin.

Tom Buchanan: Bret Bielema

.... No one likes Bret Bielema.

Daisy Buchanan: Les Miles

Daisy's conflicted, overdramatic and no one ever really knows what's going through her mind the entire novel. I'm also pretty sure Les Miles lives and dies by one of Daisy's quotes: "That's the best thing a girl can be in this world. A beautiful little fool."

It makes sense.

Jordan Baker: Mark Richt

Jordan Baker, much like Mark Richt, has been in New York for awhile. She's not associated with anything too closely, never lived up to her professional golfer expectations and has the most subtle yet important role in the novel.

Meyer Wolfsheim: Nick Saban

Wolfsheim, Gatsby's business partner, is the worst person in this movie. He gets whatever he wants in the most illegal ways possible.

Nick Saban wins everything so damn nonchalantly and gets all of the best high school athletes in America.

I'M JUST SAYING.

Myrtle Wilson: Butch Jones

Butch Jones seems like the perfect guy to play Tom Buchanan's trashy mistress. No, I'm not saying this just because his name is Butch.

George Wilson: Hugh Freeze

George Wilson is the husband of Myrtle, who in the end kills Gatsby. He's always worked so hard in life, but always stays in the Industrial hell of New York. Hugh Freeze puts in so much effort, but without fail, every year his team is bad.

Plot Summary

So, let's go over this. The Great ~~Gatsby~~ Joker is narrated by Kevin Sumlin, who moves to New York to go into the bonds business, only to fall into a lot of trouble. He lives in the West Egg, just next door to the young and insanely famous Joker Phillips. Sumlin visits his cousin Les Miles and her rich and snobby husband, Bret Bielema.

At one of his next large parties, Joker realizes that Sumlin knows Les Miles very well (Joker and Miles had an affair in Louisville a few years back), and makes Mark Richt (who knows both Sumlin and Miles very well) relay a message to Sumlin telling him that he would like to have tea with Les Miles at his small house.

During this time, Miles' husband, Bret Bielema, is having an affair with a trashy woman from an industrial part of town named Butch Jones. Ironically, Bielema has Jones' husband, Hugh Freeze, repair his car all the time.

Throughout the movie, tensions grow as Les Miles and Joker Phillips are having an affair while Bret Bielema and Butch Jones are having one of their own. Still, Kevin Sumlin is stuck in the middle.

Once Bielema realizes his wife, Les Miles, is having an affair, he gets incredibly jealous and decides to invite everyone involved over for tea. Once everyone arrives, Bielema exposes Phillips' illegal business transactions with the infamous Nick Saban, and how all of his money earned was illegal (he sold ~~K2 and Spice to LSU students~~ alcohol at drug stores during the prohibition). As tensions flair, Bielema and Miles decide they want to go into town. Nothing goes horribly wrong, so everyone heads back home.

When Sumlin, Richt, and Bielema drive through the valley of ashes to get back to their respective houses, however, they discover that Joker's car has struck and killed Butch Jones, Bielema's lover. Kevin Sumlin later learns from Joker Phillips that Les Miles was driving the car at the time of the accident, but that Phillips intends to take the blame. The next day, Bielema tells Butch Jones' husband, Hugh Freeze, that Phillips was the driver of the car.

Hugh Freeze, who has leapt to the conclusion that the driver of the car that killed Butch Jones must have been her lover, tracks Joker Phillips to his mansion and fatally shoots both Phillips and himself. Kevin Sumlin stages an upsettingly small funeral for Joker Phillips (no wide receivers showed up), ends his relationship with Mark Richt, and moves ~~Texas A&M back to the Big 12~~ back to the Midwest to escape the disgust he feels for the people surrounding Joker Phillips' life.

PRETTY GOOD STORY, HUH?

The Great Gatsby movie just came out. I love the book, and I-- unlike most-- loved the movie as well. The only way it could be better is if the cast were all SEC football coaches.

Let's kick this off, PAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWL.

Characters

Jay Gatsby: Joker Phillips

#ComePlayWRForTheJoker

Nick Carraway: Kevin Sumlin

Tom Buchanan: Bret Bielema

.... No one likes Bret Bielema.

Daisy Buchanan: Les Miles

It makes sense.

Jordan Baker: Mark Richt

Meyer Wolfsheim: Nick Saban

Wolfsheim, Gatsby's business partner, is the worst person in this movie. He gets whatever he wants in the most illegal ways possible.

Nick Saban wins everything so damn nonchalantly and gets all of the best high school athletes in America.

I'M JUST SAYING.

Myrtle Wilson: Butch Jones

Butch Jones seems like the perfect guy to play Tom Buchanan's trashy mistress. No, I'm not saying this just because his name is Butch.

George Wilson: Hugh Freeze

Plot Summary

Throughout the movie, tensions grow as Les Miles and Joker Phillips are having an affair while Bret Bielema and Butch Jones are having one of their own. Still, Kevin Sumlin is stuck in the middle.

PRETTY GOOD STORY, HUH?

MSECU Radio: Heisman Edition

2013-05-24T03:56:25Z

Welcome back to the second episode of MSECU radio. I'm joined by Alli, Christopher Hondros, Jokastrength, Billy, WaltonLoads, and alexanderkotov to discuss the wide world of life. We talk the recently released Heisman odds and all of their shenanigans, as well as which team seems to beat the snot out of our favorite teams. We also take some time to talk about our favorite teams that we don't have any ties to. Jokastrength also provides some details on Fearless Leader's special night out last weekend. Finally we have a special appearance from Erik T for his Grumpy Cat rant.

As always you can click the link below to listen, or listen on iTunes by searching for MSECU Radio.

MSECU Episode 2

As always you can click the link below to listen, or listen on iTunes by searching for MSECU Radio.

MSECU Episode 2

MSECU Radio: Inaugural Edition

2013-05-10T03:39:58Z

Welcome to the first episode of MSECU Radio. We have a packed episode for you, where I am joined by Kbuts, ZZR, Erik T, Alli, and Chris for a fun discussion about college football and a few other things. We talk about the current EDSBS Charity Drive, Andy Staples Top 25, and let Erik go on a rant about wine and hockey, and finish things up with our experience at our Worst Home Game Ever.

Our RSS Feed is also here http://msecuradio.podomatic.com/rss2.xml

Apologies for the weird background noise, and we are working on getting the podcast on iTunes but until then you can go here to listen in.

Our RSS Feed is also here http://msecuradio.podomatic.com/rss2.xml

Apologies for the weird background noise, and we are working on getting the podcast on iTunes but until then you can go here to listen in.

Atlanta meet-up - 17 May, 7 pm, H. Harper Station

2013-05-09T22:04:51Z

That is all.

Additional filler text:

Punch Bowls

Velvet Goldmine: encanto pisco, smith & cross overproof rum, pineapple syrup, velvet falernum, lime

AWP 290 Punch: bourbon, rum, peach, mint, sugar, lemon, house-made ginger beer

Philadelphia Fish House Punch: jamaican rum, brandy, peach whiskey, maraschino, green

Cadet Punch: rye whiskey, oleo-saccharum, bitters

Drafts:

Crispin Cider

Paulaner Pilsner

New Belgium Rolle Bolle

Sweetwater 420

Brooklyn Sorachi Ace

Weihenstephaner Hefeweissbier

Anchor Steam

Goose Island Honker ’s Ale

Boston Beer Co. Grumpy Monk

Ommegang Gnomegang

Wild Heaven Invocation

Bell’s Two Hearted Ale

Terrapin Mosaic

Dogfish Head 60 Min IPA

Guinness

New Holland Dragon’s Milk

That is all.

Additional filler text:

Punch Bowls

Velvet Goldmine: encanto pisco, smith & cross overproof rum, pineapple syrup, velvet falernum, lime

AWP 290 Punch: bourbon, rum, peach, mint, sugar, lemon, house-made ginger beer

Philadelphia Fish House Punch: jamaican rum, brandy, peach whiskey, maraschino, green

Cadet Punch: rye whiskey, oleo-saccharum, bitters

Drafts:

Crispin Cider

Paulaner Pilsner

New Belgium Rolle Bolle

Sweetwater 420

Brooklyn Sorachi Ace

Weihenstephaner Hefeweissbier

Anchor Steam

Goose Island Honker ’s Ale

Boston Beer Co. Grumpy Monk

Ommegang Gnomegang

Wild Heaven Invocation

Bell’s Two Hearted Ale

Terrapin Mosaic

Dogfish Head 60 Min IPA

Guinness

New Holland Dragon’s Milk

EDSBS Icypuck Random Number Generator Glorious Challenge

2013-04-28T19:30:19Z

For our hockey fans here at EDSBS, I set up a group for the NHL Stanley Cup Playoff bracket challenge. Considering this is the Stanley Cup Playoffs, your bracket will look way worse than your NCAA March Madness bracket when all is said and done. The group can be found in the link below. The password is pinkkanejersey. This should be a pretty fun little thing for us puckheads as we have some bragging rights in addition to clogging up every nighttime thread with hockey talk on a college football blog. Hey, it's better than talking David Stern's league stuff, amirite? Umm, still gotta get over 150 words, so umm let's put up the link here before we digress to more mumbo jumbo

http://playoffschallenge.nhl.com/playoff_challenge/leagues/2783?locale=en

Okay, you've basically got 2 days to get your picks in because of the playoffs starting Tuesday Night, but this should be a fun time! Yay hockey!

http://playoffschallenge.nhl.com/playoff_challenge/leagues/2783?locale=en

Okay, you've basically got 2 days to get your picks in because of the playoffs starting Tuesday Night, but this should be a fun time! Yay hockey!

An Open Letter to EDSBS Management

2013-04-19T18:17:12Z

Dear Sirs (and Madams, not always sure if Aunt Stabby is still considered management):

As this dreadful off-season has rolled on and the news is all bad and hard to watch, I have a question. Why are we no longer treated to the weekly Fulmer Cup-dates. Did Brian step on his member and disable himself? Are our football players becoming increasingly well behaved? Or is it because Bama's in the lead and you don't want to give us another National Championship to claim?

Seriously, the fact that there were no weekly updates made the end of tax season even more hellacious than usual.

It's time for a Big Board update - thanks.

Sincerely,

BamaTaxMan

Dear Sirs (and Madams, not always sure if Aunt Stabby is still considered management):

Seriously, the fact that there were no weekly updates made the end of tax season even more hellacious than usual.

It's time for a Big Board update - thanks.

Sincerely,

BamaTaxMan

SEC loses dominance in obesity rankings

2013-04-11T15:36:17Z

Everyone knows that Alabama and Mississippi lead the nation in ~~oversigning~~ overeating, right? The obesity rates are astounding, and science shows those fat pigs are just waiting to catch the diabeetus.

Hold up.

New research from UAB (Go Blazers) shows that the East South Central region (AL, MS, TN and KY) actually finished fifth out of nine regions. Who came out on top when it comes to the widest middles?

Hold up.

the West North Central part of the country, which includes North and South Dakota, Minnesota, Nebraska, Iowa, Kansas and Missouri, is the fattest area — with a 41 percent obese population.

That's right. The upper Midwest.

Why the discrepancy?

It turns out that the previous assumptions were based on studies using self-reported data, and the East South Central region was the least willing to lie:

“Asking someone how much they weigh is probably the second worst question behind how much money they make,” [public health researcher Dr. George] Howard explained. “From past research, we know that women tend to underreport their weight, and men tend to over-report their height.”

Howard said as far as equivalency between the self-reported and measured data sets, the East South Central region showed the least misreporting.

“This suggests that people from the South come closer to telling the truth than people from other regions, perhaps because there’s not the social stigma of being obese in the South as there is in other regions,” Howard said.

Turns out Catlab was on to something.

Podcast Details

2013-04-11T13:56:51Z

Alright folks, things are moving forward for a commentariat podcast. The next step is to come up with a name. Based on one of the threads, I have a poll below of the top names. Please vote for your favorite, and if you really like another name put it in the comments. If you want to vote for one in the comments just rec it and I'll count recs as votes.

Also if you are interested in participating in the podcast, send me an email at blewis593@gmail.com. This will make it easier to develop an email list to hash out details of recording.

Poll

What should the Commentariat podcast be called?

MSECU Radio

19 votes

Live Hive

13 votes

PAAAWWWLLLcast

8 votes

The 5th Circle

0 votes

Roll Damn Podcast

3 votes

Church of COTG

3 votes

FCC Radio - Fuck Clemson Commision Radio

3 votes

ASC Radio - Anti-Syracuse Conspiracy Radio

0 votes

The Algonquin Kids Table

3 votes

52 votes | Poll has closed

EDSBS Meme Bracket, Round of 32, Match 5

2013-04-09T15:00:23Z

(Author's Note: I'm aware Match 4 was skipped. It will come later this week.)

The following was found in an abandoned Citgo station in Ardmore, Oklahom, scrawled on the walls in a mixture of blood, feces, and Skoal.

Duteronmy 6 DO NoT PuT THE lord YOUR GOD to the teST

Moments of sanity are fleeting. Memories fly away like so many errant Jason White passes.

BOO

MERSO

MOOBER SNR

You’ll never know a day like November 8th 2003. Maybe your wedding day comes close. Maybe your first child. Maybe there’s a heaven and that will do it. But on this earth you will never know a day.

Boooommmmeeerrr

Oner

Rapture means lifting up. Elevating.

The arc of the ball was more beautiful than the angels. Every pass was like a divine gift direct from God.

SOOnER

You hug the man next to you. You chug a beer. You sing the hymn with the eternal choir of angels.

BOOMER SOONER

Some men pray when they’re at their lowest. Some at their moment of supreme ecstasy.

Do not tempt the Lord your God.

Words are so easy to say and so hard to mean. You pray and you beg God “let me hear nothing but that song ever again.” BOOMER. Every first down every touchdown fill me with the joy of this moment and play it again SAM play it forever never let me hear another song.

DO NOT TEMPT THE LORD YOUR GOD.

Sometimes your prayer is answered and that's the worst that could happen.

BOOMER SOONER

Nights and days blur together. Nothing but an unending, eternal cacophony repeating again and again and again and again.

SANITY SLIPPING. DO NOT TEMPT THE LORBOOOMMERRR

SOONER.

Tell my wifeI SOOOOOONER

BOOMER SOONER

I can’t go on.

BOOMER SOONER BOOMER SOONER BOOMER SOONER BOOMER SOONER

DO NOT TEMPT THE BOOMER YOUR SOONER

BOOMER

SOONER

(Author's Note: I'm aware Match 4 was skipped. It will come later this week.)

The following was found in an abandoned Citgo station in Ardmore, Oklahom, scrawled on the walls in a mixture of blood, feces, and Skoal.

Duteronmy 6 DO NoT PuT THE lord YOUR GOD to the teST

Moments of sanity are fleeting. Memories fly away like so many errant Jason White passes.

BOO

MERSO

MOOBER SNR

Boooommmmeeerrr

Oner

Rapture means lifting up. Elevating.

The arc of the ball was more beautiful than the angels. Every pass was like a divine gift direct from God.

SOOnER

You hug the man next to you. You chug a beer. You sing the hymn with the eternal choir of angels.

BOOMER SOONER

Some men pray when they’re at their lowest. Some at their moment of supreme ecstasy.

Do not tempt the Lord your God.

DO NOT TEMPT THE LORD YOUR GOD.

Sometimes your prayer is answered and that's the worst that could happen.

BOOMER SOONER

Nights and days blur together. Nothing but an unending, eternal cacophony repeating again and again and again and again.

SANITY SLIPPING. DO NOT TEMPT THE LORBOOOMMERRR

SOONER.

Tell my wifeI SOOOOOONER

BOOMER SOONER

I can’t go on.

BOOMER SOONER BOOMER SOONER BOOMER SOONER BOOMER SOONER

DO NOT TEMPT THE BOOMER YOUR SOONER

BOOMER

SOONER

Poll

Who should advance to the Sweet Sixteen?

1. COTG

88 votes

9. Oklahoma Band Only Knows One Song

14 votes

102 votes | Poll has closed