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"Like I’m some kind of ogre," he said. "Some arrogant, obnoxious, loudmouth punk from New Jersey."

"Like I’m some kind of ogre," he said. "Some arrogant, obnoxious, loudmouth punk from New Jersey."

Charlie Weis would like you to know he's not what you think he is, if that thing happens to be an arrogant, obnoxious New Jersey punk. Not at all, Charlie. Those things can be completely separate from "terrible college football coach," and should not be associated with talented, arrogant obnoxious New Jersey punks.

On the morning before he sent his sacrificial lambs out to slaughter the butcher, University of...

On the morning before he sent his sacrificial lambs out to slaughter the butcher, University of Miami coach Howard Schnellenberger gazed out a picture window in his hotel suite high above downtown Miami and wondered aloud if the Nebraska Cornhuskers realized "what a bunch of alley cats they're about to run into." He said he doubted it....Looking lordly in his Oriental smoking jacket and red felt slippers, Schnellenberger bit down on a bagel and wondered, too, if the Huskers realized they were about to get hit from the heavens by a round-eyed, curly-haired freshman quarterback who talks as if he's 30, thinks as if he's 40 and may not be spacy but is definitely from another world. "I doubt it," said Schnellenberger.

The greatest lede to ever appear in Sports Illustrated comes from an article on Howard Schnellenberger and the 1984 Orange Bowl against Nebraska. It marks a turning point in college football history, but seriously HOWARD SCHNELLENBERGER EATING A BAGEL WEARING AN ORIENTAL SMOKING JACKET AND RED FELT SLIPPERS. He probably let John Underwood watch him shower, something he took no notes on because a.) he was too busy applauding and b.) some beauty transcends words.

University of Maryland police spokesperson Capt. Marc Limansky said an officer spotted Twine early...

University of Maryland police spokesperson Capt. Marc Limansky said an officer spotted Twine early Friday morning ranting and punching cars at a shopping center near campus. The officer told Twine to stop, Limansky said, but Twine ran. Limansky said the officer chased Twine and arrested him. There were no reports of damage to the cars.

A little car-punching never hurt anyone, but it is pretty much the most Maryland football 2011 thing ever to have a guy swinging at cars and do no damage whatsoever to them.

Says Rush: "I think you would compare the NCAA to Al Capone and to the Mafia."

Says Rush: "I think you would compare the NCAA to Al Capone and to the Mafia."

If anyone would recognize the practices of an extortionate, inefficient, and useless bureaucracy, well, it would be a Chicago politician, wouldn't it?

You all create so many problems...I hate to start on this, but whether guys are going out for the...

You all create so many problems...I hate to start on this, but whether guys are going out for the draft that shouldn't even be thinking about that right now, whether we're worrying about the Heisman Trophy, now we're worrying about playing Missouri instead of Tennessee sometime down the road...I could give a shit about all that, excuse my French. I mean, come on. Let's talk about the game.

The abusive dad you never had but always loved, going off in today's press conference about the media and their questions which he does not have time for.

Where does Auburn go to get its reputation back?

Where does Auburn go to get its reputation back?

We don't know, Kevin Scarbinsky, since Auburn's reputation before the Cam Newton scandal was pretty much the same in the eyes of everyone not claiming Tigerplainseagle citizenship. Also, everyone NOT in the SEC thinks every school cheats constantly, so if Auburn really wants its old reputation back, it would get Gene Chizik caught promising a player money on tape, and then assume its former glory. As of right now, this is the NCAA saying there was no evidence of any wrongdoing. Danny Sheridan's waiting for a thank-you for cleaning up your rep, Auburn. He's still waiting, right there at the underpass he shares with his seven pet chinchillas and an invisible Inca king he refers to as "Potatoface the 6th."

The Ragin' Cajuns plan on getting wet in Lafayette, and they don't want to be caught off-guard when...

The Ragin' Cajuns plan on getting wet in Lafayette, and they don't want to be caught off-guard when that happens.

By gawd, King, that's the most suggestive headline ever written about the Sun Belt.It's good to see the Cajuns plan on scoring at home, though. Winning all those home games is the foundation for a successful conference run, and good protection works in both football and in your sex life. One knows it is a good week because this is only the second most artfully constructed lead we've seen this week.

I certainly want to be politically correct and not be against serving beer in Tiger Stadium....

I certainly want to be politically correct and not be against serving beer in Tiger Stadium. Certainly the athletic director and the chancellor would have to make that decision. But I promise you, we would enjoy playing in front of a Tiger Stadium that occasionally had a beer.

Les Miles, displaying a poor understanding of the term politically correct but making up for it by understanding the good things in life when he sees them.

Fire Ned, hire Homer. Homer is fat. Homer cusses. Homer cheats. Homer tortures his...

Fire Ned, hire Homer. Homer is fat. Homer cusses. Homer cheats. Homer tortures his children (players). Homer drinks. Let's rehire Homer.

This Week In Schadenfreude contains many wonders, but that analogy for Turner Gill/Mark Mangino may have just broken my personal space/time continuum.

I think for him, getting invested is probably the most significant thing for him," Snyder said....

I think for him, getting invested is probably the most significant thing for him," Snyder said. "And I think he's making some headway in that respect. I think he's a little more into it. He missed a lot during the course of the summer, so there's a lot of catching up for him to do.

That's Bill Snyder on running back Bryce Brown, and please take note at what an excellent way Snyder has of saying "I don't think this person cared at all initially, and now gives about a sliver of rat's ass cheek at this point." Does your school have a recruit on their radar who has a "svengali," "consultant," or "overly interested father" on board? Cut them from your targets immediately.
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