If you’ve devoured Michael Lewis’s endlessly fascinating The Blind Side (as we have) and followed the amusing updates of cameos by Saban, the Orgeron, et al in the upcoming film adaptation (ditto), then you’ve probably been waiting with bated breath for the film’s wide release in November. If that’s the case, then Chris Mottram is going to throw some very cold water on those dreams, for he’s got the film’s trailer up over at Mr. Irrelevant, and . . . well, see for yourself:

Got that? Did you count up all the things that looked wrong? Good, now check the answer key after the jump and let’s see how you did: (more…)

You know, you can hire black coaches. It’s not against the law. Trust us, if you can do it in Mississippi, you can do it in any state in the union. (Mississippi, you’re in the union. Trust us. We’ve checked the lying government maps.)

People do it all the time. For instance, were you aware that Tony Dungy is both the Super Bowl-winning coach of the Indianapolis Colts, and is black, too? Another example: Mike Tomlin, who despite sporting a chinstrap beard has proven himself as a capable head man at Pittsburgh. Or consider if you will the success of Lovie Smith, who led the Bears to the Super Bowl and had a superb career prior to Chicago as the defensive coordinator of the Tampa Bay Bucs.

Better still, consider that the NFL has proven its complete Colbertian colorblindedness by allowing black coaches to become what was only once a career path allowed for white coaches: the hopeless mediocre retread on the verge of exploding at any second.

Dennis Green is just a porky Norv Turner with extra melanin now, a name recognizable enough to fill a coaching position when you need someone who has both done the job before and knows how to clean out an office without too much fuss. If rewarding someone prior to achievement isn’t the ultimate demonstration of cronyism triumphing over race, then you have stumped us on the question of a better definition of the concept.

College has done an abominable job developing black coaches from the bottom to the top, which is the main reason for their ranks being so thin at the top. (more…)

It used to be that when minority candidates could be hired the old-fashioned way: when everyone else had said no to the job, either because of the meager salary offered (UCLA) or the impossible task facing whomever was foolish enough to stick their face into the bear trap of the job (Miss State, for instance.) The minority interview did happen from time to time, but was usually done in a manner of blatant tokenism. (In other words, they called Charlie Strong, and he told them he was tired of this shit, and that was that.)

Now, thanks to a penalty-less edict from the Division I-A Athletic Directors’ Association, the Rooney Rule has come to college football. The bad news: now, schools will by community agreement and without enforceable penalty require the substantial interview of at least one minority candidate for each position on staff.

A written policy stipulating that any division I-A football program with a head coaching vacancy will interview at least one minority candidate was sent just more than three weeks ago to athletic directors at the 120 schools.

Luckily, ADs who crave the retread white guy of their choice have a loophole: minority is a very wide term, and can describe any number of types of people ADs may include in their consideration. For example, have you, the racist AD, considered interviewing…

Ginger kids. NC State hired a redhead in Tom O’ Brien, sure, but did they go the extra step you’ll go to in hiring the first real ginger kid to hold a head coaching job? Admittedly, you can’t come from a Sun Belt school, since the sun is the natural enemy of ginger kids everywhere. But a nice Northeastern or program in the Pacific Northwest will do nicely.

Lefties. You know they’re evil, but still: a minority desperately in need of work. Plus: they really don’t have a shorter life expectancy, so in case it works out you don’t have to worry about them kicking off early.

The Eskimo. Okay, so we’re not sure if any of them are actually coaching. But they’re a minority, and you could interview one. The conversation could go something like this:

AD: Tell me a few of your strengths as a leader and administrator.

Eskimo: Kah-bloon-ah nowk? (Where is there a white man?)

AD: Um, and…tell me about your ability to work with alumni a bit.

Eskimo: Comma-tee-nick eye-shook-too! (Bring a dog sled!)

AD: I see…well, I think that about does it for our time here together today.

Eskimo: Tah-koo! Cook-e-oo pee-yuma-voong-ah! Kah-mig-ga cow-shook-toot! (Look! I need a gun! My boots are wet!)

See? The possibilities are endless, tacitly racist ADs of the world. Get to it!