A powerful high-caliber recruit who shot into the starting lineup as a left guard on the 2006 national title team, Ronnie Wilson will be reinstated at Florida as a walk-on on the defensive tackle position*.

Wilson, who spent over a year away from the team following an incident where the lineman discharged an AK-47 in a downtown Gainesville parking lot**, aims to help the Gators reload on the defensive line. The d-line will need significant firepower this season to assist a secondary still reeling from being shot to pieces by opposing quarterbacks in 2007. Wilson, a 6′4″, 310 pound former starting guard, could provide some substantial fire along the line, though there is a firefight of competition surrounding the spot.*** He’ll have to acquire all the skills d-lineman need: looking down the barrel of an onrushing offensive lineman, shooting the gap, and strafing through blocks in rapid-fire fashion to bring down his target.

Given the current state of Florida’s defensive line, we predict Wilson will rise with a bullet to the top of the depth chart!**** Go Gators!*****

*Really? Reeeeeeeeally? Agog. Agape. Not with surprise, but with disgust, since we sort of expected him to be back on the team in November of 2007. By that standard, we should be happy, if that “standard” didn’t mean “bitter sarcasm,” and it does.

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More product has emerged from the frightening minds behind the Catlab, and the subject is Notre Dame. They may deny it to the end, but we’re certain that if you could put an antenna up and pick up the film playing inside most Notre Dame fans’ minds, it would look eerily similar to this.

HT: The unstoppable BearMeat.

So it’s gravy to us to be able to offer you this amazing toy created by the good people who brought you The Game That Ended Your Marriage™, NCAA 2008: the Taunt-O-Gram. It features a tiny cheerleader who, slave to your typing hands, will spell out pretty much whatever you want her to within the span of sixteen letters.

Ragin’ Cajun, who started this whole thing with us, sent this first. Our variations follow after the jump.

Then, we figured we’d send Tennessee fans a message of pure joy:

One from Les Miles for his utterly mediocre 11-year-old neighbor:

And finally, something to warm Joe Pa’s heart.

We’ll post the good ones you send us, but please just send the jpegs. We’ll gnaw an arm off if we have to wait for that hopping ninny to spell out one more word, and our cubemate’s already down to one arm from the time we had to wait two minutes on hold.

They’ll likely discuss money, too. Lots of it. In the hypothetical and real senses of the word. In fact, we have a copy of Bernie Machen’s entire presentation to the collected heads of SEC schools:

That’s likely it for the underlying semantics of the argument: MMMMMM CASH TASTY SWEET CASH. The money the BCS generates now as an awkward resolution to the season would pale in comparison. Rampant speculation of the sort bloggers get chastised for has floated through various MSM pieces: that Machen’s agitating for this because his school’s been on the outside of the BCS looking in at Utah, blah blah blah.

If there’s lucre to loll in, however, it must be considered the catalyst of Machen’s advocacy binge. For Machen and other university presidents, their chunk of a hypothetical national playoff contract for college football and the addition of still more games to the college football season/postseason ticket menu can only mean more money in the bank for colleges–potentially brain-injuring amounts of cash from television in particular.

Example: the current BCS pot is around $120 million; seventy-five percent of that total flies straight into the accounts of the six major conferences of the BCS. In contrast, CBS paid $6 billion for an eleven year contract for the NCAA Men’s Tournament in basketball, a sport whose popularity can’t come within zip codes of the overall popularity of college football.

The hypothetical sums for a BCS contract have got to make university presidents–ever on the make for fresh, strings-free funding–erect under their mahogany board tables. It also could sound the death knell of the current BCS system. Bernie flashed a little leg at an Atlanta meeting in March; the full rabbit-in-the-hat trick comes at the Destin meetup. We say make it rain, sir, on them hoes. College football fans will be the ones dancing happily for the cash in the end.

9. Outrageous and indefensible voting in human polls only further presses point of eliminating humans from the process altogether. Michigan again doubles funding for Robot Overlord Construction Program in hope of making BCS and weak, fleshy humans obsolete. Lloyd Carr’s brain wants a comfy jar in a robot.

It’s on the way, Lloyd. Weak, fleshy human voters…

8. Hypothetical contrasts highlight UM erudition in flattering way. Pissed-off, highly literate Michigan fans likely to only leave 10,000 word retorts in little read tweedy rags like The New Republic and The New York Times. Ohio State fans, if in same situation, would leave flaming bags of poo on Gator doorsteps.

7. Song Girls will cheer even when you score, Wolverines.

6. Michigan will escape discomfort of dumping Gary Danielson. He’s already, calling, texting, wanting to cuddle and shit…and we just hooked up one night, man. Like, giving us a rash already, dude.

5. PR move by SEC in scheduling to be countered in ‘07 with promotional spot airing immediately after SEC game. Spot will feature Michigan football team crushing rocks with bare hands, making deft catches of cute infants thrown from tall buildings by evil, mustachioed madmen, and disarming ticking bombs seconds before detonation. Soundtrack: Live To Win, by Paul Stanley.

4. Spared soul-wrenching second loss in a year to Buckeyes? (Too soon?)

3. Allowed to satisfy evil quotient for year by rooting against Pete Carroll, noted humanitarian.

2. Will thrill to Florida returning to the site of the program’s biggest, most humiliating, excruciating, and total loss ever, the 6227-24 loss to Nebraska in the 1996 Fiesta Bowl. Former Florida wideout Chris Doering is actually still stuck in the turf of the stadium, having been blocked into the ground by Michael Booker in the late third quarter of the fiasco. He serves as groundskeeping consultant and pens childrens’ books on his laptop under an umbrella the crew puts out for him somewhere around the 32 yard line.

Eyeballs…scorching…

And the number one reason Michigan fans should be happy they’re not in the national title game…

1. Michigan fans will be spared hallucinations caused by staring directly at Barry Alvarez’s tie, who will be calling the title game along with Thom Brennaman and Charles Smith in the booth. Will also be spared Brennaman’s “Troy Smith takes off…the ten…the five…SAFE! The ref says he’s SAFE!”

How can we be expected to vote after hearing this news?

1. Which coaches are clearly on the hot seat at this point? Who is surprisingly not?

There’s a slew of easy answers, most notably the dead ringer for Uncle Fester whose team clearly forgot the basic tenets of the Geneva Convention against Florida International last Saturday night. The midfield waterboarding of an FIU trainer was simply unspeakable. And involving the wounded in the battle? Clearly against international law. If boosters don’t sack Coker first, Samantha Power will surely be hot on their heels.

We’ll see you at the Hague.

A piece of expired meat on the coaching buffet sorely in need of spotlighting is Mike Riley, a coach who’s lived each degree on the great compass of coaching. He’s gone from being highly coveted to unwanted to back to coveted and now has swung back to extremely, extremely unwanted, a holding pattern for him now that will result in his quiet, inevitable firing following the season.

Riley’s big victory last season over Cal should not impress; the Beavers faced as discombobulated a team as Tedford’s fielded in his tenure there last year, and following their complete use of all talent fuel in the game against the Bears they went on to lose all but one of their remaining games. (And that was over lowly ‘05 Washington, a team whose stank-nasty quotient was only exceeded by lowlier ‘04 Washington.)

The ‘06 numbers don’t exactly change the trend arrow on Riley, either: a 3-3 record boasts plenty of resume-fluff in victories over Eastern Washington, Idaho, and the slightly less-lowly Washington Huskies. They lost huge to Boise State and Cal and could only muster six points over Washington State. The rest of their schedule only features Cal, USC, and road trips to UCLA and Arizona before the Civil War matchup with Oregon, who will do things to them also possibly prohibited by both local, national, and international laws.

Evidence aside, the whole commentary above is just designed to free up the eventual hiring of Ole Miss coach Ed Orgeron away from Oxford to coach in Corvallis. We’ve got a warehouse full of “Orgeron State” t-shirts we have to move; the sooner pink slips start flying, the sooner we get that Port-Au-Prince bookie off our backs.

2. Pick three of the undefeated teams and state your case as to why they won’t run the table.

Ohio State/Michigan. Because we passed college algebra, dammit.

West Virginia. Someone, most likely Louisville, will clap their hands like the adult in the room and insist that they stop all that flimflam in the backfield right this instant. With that defense they could, too. West Virginia’s defense, too, will blitz themselves right out of a game one of these days, since they’re a bit undersized and prone to getting worked on the run and burned by the long pass. A team specializing in both (L-ville or even conceivably Tyler Palko and Pitt) will do that this year.

USC. Three strong possibilities loom: Notre Dame, Cal, or Oregon could all in theory beat USC. The pageant winner in formally entering USC into Mere Awesomeness will likely be Cal, since Pete Carroll’s going to blitz Brady Quinn blind just as Jon Tenuta did in the GT game, and unlike everyone else who’s tried the game plan has players who can close gaps with the necessary speed. And Oregon just…we don’t trust them against USC, which has nothing to do with USC but instead with Cal, who demolished them in their matchup.

Cute. Flashy. Still untrusted.

3. Which conference is playing the best football right now?

The one we watch the most, which is the answer everyone else will give under different guises.

4. Which team is playing above and beyond your expectations this season?

Wake Forest. A team of players scarcely recruited for D-1 ball and named after malevolent church officials? Sign us up. They’re one blocked field goal away from being undefeated, had Gaines Adams not had the glowing Playmaker circle under him on that particular play. Their season began with the loss of their starting running back and starting quarterback, and yet they’ve only lost a game against decent competition.

They also have a regular feature of their run game called “the orbit sweep,” which is just rich in NASA dork cool points. Jim Grobe, we heart your playcall terminology.

5. Which team is crashing and burning in regards to your expectations?

Iowa. We tried desperately to shower concern rays effectively on a team we thought would surely challenge for the Big Ten, but losing to Indiana scuttles our support in both poll votes and aforementioned concern rays. The disappointment may be less to blame on Iowa than it was on the inexact science involved in the pick. In our attempt to untangle the Big Ten after the easy pick of Ohio State at one, we looked for quarterbacks. Hennebriation caused us to hedge on Michigan, but we gambled on one quarterback named Drew to have a phenomenal year and carry his team to the 2 slot. Since [NAME ALSO REDACTED] coached Stanton, Drew, we were forced to go with Iowa.

Blame the shoddy prognostication, not the team.

6. Is your pre-season BCS championship game prediction still alive?

We had one? Oh, yeah. Boise State versus Illinois. Totally not happening now.

Our actual pick is lost to history, but we think we saw an Ohio State/USC matchup or something like that, a very plausible scenario at this point. Take any other teams from the top ten and insert them in the same place and you may say the same thing, since a one-loss scrum for the title game still remains possible between a bushel of teams.

The biggest loser–if they care about the postseason exhibition that ends with the awarding of a useless crystal football–would be an undefeated team from the Big East, who cannot have an invitation, is not on the guestlist, and sure as hell can’t pay their way past the bouncer, much less the VIP. This is not fair, but given Florida’s status above Louisville in the first round of BCS, it is an accurate statement confirming most people’s suspicions about the math involved in creatng the BCS: its very weakness is the squishy, fallible humans who construct it. If only we could remove them from the equation…

The robots would never let this happen.