Breaking news out of Honolulu, and obviously important enough to merit its own post: Hawaii head coach Greg McMackin has been docked a month’s pay for his uncharitable, sexual-preference-based characterization of Notre Dame’s pre-Hawaii Bowl rug-cuttin’. Officially, McMackin will be coaching the team for the next 30 days on a “volunteer” basis, with the money he would be getting paid instead being detoured to fund an intern for a campus LGBT group.

(Pre-emptive righteous-indignation stifling: McMackin’s free-speech rights aren’t being violated by any of this. The 1st Amendment prevents the federal government from prosecuting you for something you’ve said; it doesn’t bar your employers from fining you for making them look like a bunch of troglodytes. Thanks, carry on.)

With that out of the way, all that’s left is to sweep up the pieces. Can we expect an Obama-style “beer summit” between McMackin, the UH president, and Charlie Weis? Or would a “cosmo summit” with McMackin and the head of the Human Rights Campaign be more appropriate? We’re confident that any institution whose athletic teams were once nicknamed the “Rainbow Warriors” can be trusted to do the right thing here.

Last night Central Michigan trotted out “Vegas gold” uniforms, an inapt name for any shade of gold in Las Vegas. (Unless you’re referring to the gold fingernail fungus that shows up when your immune system collapses in hour 72 of an 84 hour bender there. That’s about the same color.) It leaned more toward the urine end of the spectrum, and with yellow you go Oregon “banana attack” or nothing, in our opinion.

So, hope then that the Missouri Tigers, already a tad down over losing two games they thought they could win and thus only being kings of the 493 billion square miles of the Big 12 North, avoid the pissy overtones when they trot out the “golden” unis they’re rumored to be using against KU. The early projections are not…um…promising.

That’s close to nail fungus yellow there. Of course, go too far and you get into food colors, and Mangino food association quick offramp to fat joke yes let’s not go there we just did apologies.

Hi. You know who I am. This thumb’s for you, Colt McCoy, because you’re a champion who takes my breath away and turns in slow motion away from onrushing defenders bent on crushing you. You took the highway to the danger zone but took the exit toward Victory Lane, and for that I’m buzzing your tower and oiling myself up for a one-on-one volleyball game. You’re invited.

No more playing with the boys, Colt: just you and me, a Colt and a Maverick out in the field doing what animals do. I’m bringing this thumb. Let’s role play: this time, you be Sam Bradford, and I’ll be Brian Orakpo and Sergio Kindle.

This is your open thread for the afternoon. We don’t judge you, whatever you’d like to do with or to Colt McCoy and the rest of the magnificent Texas Longhorns, who played the finest game of the year thus far against the Oklahoma Sooners. Boom. Motherfucker.

O-H!

From time to time we like to invite a member of the Ohio State Fanbase to comment on their team’s campaign thus far in 2008. Today, we present Kevin Banks of Columbus, Ohio, a diehard Buckeye fan and guest contributor to EDSBS. Enjoy.

I had to come on today because we have kind of a crisis in the Buckeye nation, and I want to address it head on and just come out and hit it in the mouth, because that’s what we do at THE Ohio State University. We hit the shrugs and the weights and we then we hit people in the mouth like Andy Katzenmoyer. Just like I’m about to hit this red-hot topic right in the mouth like its name was Mike Hart.

Are you ready? Are you ready Ow-WAH-AH-AH-AH!!!! Get down with this sickness, Buckeye:

THE PISTOL FORMATION ISN’T GAY.

Can you feel that? Oh shit, there, I said it.

It started gay, sure. A lot of good things start gay. Like hair product, for example. I don’t hit the town without putting some shit in my hair to make sure I’m looking good, and it sure as hell isn’t my grandfather’s leftover airplane engine grease from World War Two. That shit catches flies in it.

No, I use a little bit of gel, which if you’re honest with yourself, is something that started with the gays. (more…)