Hey, kids. If you’re reading this, it’s because we were in the emergency room all night getting a pesky couple of broken transverse processes of the L1 and L2 lumbar vertebrae taken care of by the fine medical professionals at Emory Hospital. You ever had Dilaudid? It’s like morphine, but with robot arms, a trust fund, and a horrendous gambling problem. We met last night.

Play me off for 6-8 weeks, Keyboard Cat.

No permanent or lasting damage, as the piece of angry, disunited bones in my back aren’t load bearing. They do hurt like I swallowed a plugged-in soldering gun, which is why I’m waking up in a few hours to dust off some more delicious, nutritious Percocet.

Thanks to all the well-wishers on Twitter and Facebook. (Our phone doesn’t work, as the iPhone battery died last night, too.) It’s pill and sleep time, and we’ll see what “we” feel like tomorrow.

WE. HAVE. POWERS.

Exhibit A

12:13:47 PM Holly: Oh, Jesus, they put Crompton back in
12:13:51 PM Holly: timestamp this…now
12:13:59 PM Holly: let’s see how long before something horrible happens
12:14:00 PM Swindle: You can’t be nervous
12:14:03 PM Holly: No.
12:14:07 PM Swindle: (3:14)
12:14:09 PM Holly: Well, we’re up by 10
12:14:11 PM Holly: so I can
12:14:13 PM Holly: but I’m not.
12:14:35 PM Swindle: You have powers
12:14:37 PM Holly: Fumble!
12:14:39 PM Holly: I AM NOT KIDDING
12:14:44 PM Swindle: That was under a minute
12:14:47 PM Holly: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
12:14:53 PM Holly: this is science at this point, right?
12:15:10 PM Swindle: Yes. I am comfortable saying this is correlation.

(more…)

If the Texas Tech-OK State score drops below 50, this liveblog will explode.

So, during the Yahoo(!) liveblog last night, a running gag of sorts crept in re: Willy Korn, the redshirt freshman QB whom many Clemson fans see as the answer to their stagnant mosquito pond of an offense.  The game was excruciatingly, eye-gougingly awful for most of four quarters, and in the name of a) seeing something, anything interesting happen, and b) utter delirium, we got it into our heads that invoking the name of Willy Korn, over and over again, could somehow make him just appear on the field, like the Candyman.  This rapidly spiraled out of control, of course, leading to updates like “First down Wake inside the Clemson 25. (Willy Korn)”, and at the end of the night we shut our laptops, Kornless, dejected, and a little dumber for what we’d just watched.

Today:

Redshirt freshman Willy Korn will replace senior Cullen Harper as Clemson’s starting quarterback, coach Tommy Bowden announced Friday. Korn, one of the highest-touted quarterback recruits out of South Carolina’s Byrnes High two years ago, will be behind center next Saturday when Clemson (3-3) plays Georgia Tech.

The report adds that “Bowden also sighted Korn’s mobility”, which we’re assuming is a typo, since Tommy Bowden, for all his qualities, is not a hunter.  No, if anything, he’s a hunting dog:  sad-eyed, inbred, and born without opposable thumbs.  What you really need to take away from the story, however, is WE HAVE POWERS.  Empirical proof that The Secret is for bitches, comrades—invoke Willy Korn, and all things are possible.  (Willy Korn)