With just a shade under four weeks left to go before the 2009 season finally, mercifully kicks off, the coaches — or, rather, their poor, put-upon assistants, with the exception of Steve Spurrier’s, who isn’t even being allowed to call in the OBC’s take-out orders anymore after the Tim Tebow/All-SEC foofaraw — have issued their preseason Top 25. The rankings are as follows:

1. Florida (53 first-place votes)
2. Texas (4)
3. Oklahoma (1)
4. Southern California (1)
5. Alabama
6. Ohio State
7. Virginia Tech
8. Penn State
9. LSU
10. Ole Miss
11. Oklahoma State
12. California
13. Georgia
14. Oregon
15. Georgia Tech
16. Boise State
17. Texas Christian
18. Utah
19. Florida State
20. North Carolina
21. Iowa
22. Nebraska
23. Notre Dame
24. Brigham Young
25. Oregon State

Others receiving votes: Kansas, Michigan State, Texas Tech, Cincinnati, Pittsburgh, West Virginia, Rutgers, Miami (Florida), Missouri, Illinois, Clemson, South Carolina, UCLA, Auburn, Nevada, South Florida, Kentucky, North Carolina State, Arkansas, Wisconsin, Northwestern, Southern Miss, Wake Forest, Arizona, Boston College, Central Michigan, East Carolina, Colorado, Maryland, Navy, Tennessee, Houston, Michigan, Minnesota, Troy.

Curiosities, travesties, and other things that struck me after the jump — along with y’all’s chance to tear this thing up yourselves. (more…)

The highlight video is complete. We only have one thing to say: if you have trouble waking up this morning, finding meaning, and feel like ending it all, just watch this highlight of the finest football game ever played: Auburn 3, Mississippi State 2. And remember the inspirational words of Paul Stanley:

Live to win, ’till you die, ’till the light dies in your eyes
Live to win, take it all, just keep fighting ’till you fall
Day by day, kickin’ all the way, I’m not cavin’ in
Let another round begin, live to win
Live to win
Live to win
Yeah, live, yeah, win!!

9/13/08: Never. Forget.

Our Blogpoll ballot for week three. Of course we insulted your favorite team.

BTW: pay no attention to the arrows. They’re corrections of corrections. Onward!

Rank	Team	Delta
1	LSU	—
2	Southern Cal	—
3	Oklahoma	—
4	West Virginia	—
5	California	1
6	Florida	1
7	Oregon	1
8	Texas	18
9	Penn State	2
10	Georgia Tech	1
11	Rutgers	1
12	Wisconsin	1
13	Louisville	—
14	Nebraska	—
15	South Carolina	3
16	Ohio State	1
17	Tennessee	4
18	Boston College	1
19	UCLA	3
20	Clemson	1
21	Arkansas	1
22	South Florida	1
23	Georgia	1
24	Arizona State	6
25	Washington	1

Notes, apologies, blatant admissions.

We fucked up. Again. What you see above is the slightly more thought out blogpoll ballot we resubmitted after our morning meeting, two cups of coffee, and done with a checklist next to us in a methodical fashion. What you will see under our ballot as tallied this morning is a neglectful piece of trash submitted a minute under the wire pre-coffee on our way to a meeting. Therefore: Texas, we apologize, having left you off completely in a hurry.

This means less to Texas than it might to other teams, since we all know how starving for attention and acknowledgment the Longhorn football program is. But if you see our blogpoll ballot and notice the mistake, save the comment and just call us imbeciles as we are. This would be a correct statement.

As seen on TigerDroppings: the Geauxrilla.

Fear the Geauxrilla. LSU is number one by proof this year. Offensively: they’ve demolished a decent MSU defense to begin, and then merc’d Virginia Tech’s defense in week two, allegedly among the best in the nation. Defensively: reduced Sean Glennon to cinders, which is easy enough, but also crushed VT’s run game from the onset. Weaknesses exist–watch their offensive tackles against decent competition for one–but right now they’ve cleaned the most impressive plate of anyone at the buffet.

South Carolina won, but……like all teams that live by the skin of their teeth, their climb will be slow and steady in the polls. We had them overvalued to begin with, so this market correction is less a matter of punishment, and more one of curbing irrational exuberance about their season.

Rutgers, babeee!!! We’ve undervalued them, especially in light of their actually playing defense in the Big East. (Even if they allegedly yell “YOU GOT FUCKED UP!” to Navy. Rutgers, have you ever considered replacing Vandy in the SEC? You’d fit right in.) South Florida nudges in following a win versus Auburn, who may or may not suck completely. Their quarterback literally chucks and ducks at this point waiting for the impact of oncoming rushers.

Bullish on the Pac-10, who erased a daunting slate of competition this past weekend. Cal may be too high, but we’ll happily hop Florida over them provided they beat Tennessee in fair to impressive fashion this weekend. Oregon earns points for properly euthanizing Michigan, who really was in a lot of pain.

The knot of the SEC: The absolute value of Georgia, Tennessee, and Arkansas are all difficult to calculate right now. For all intents and purposes, they’re treading water in this poll and either a.) about to swim, or b.) preparing to drown. If Florida trounces Tennessee, we have this crazy theory that Phil Fulmer will be in serious, malicious trouble. That Nutt guy, though–he could lose by fifty to Alabama and no one would care. Seriously. They love him up there with cuddles and fairy dust and everything.

Dropped: Hawaii. Well, it was Louisiana Tech. Only Mike Dubose loses to La. Tech from big boy football. They didn’t lose, but they needed miracles, and that’s enough (along with TCU’s loss) to frighten us off the upstarts for a week or so. And Colt Brennan only threw for 400 548 yards? DOES HE HAVE CANCER WE WANT TO KNOW?!?!?!

Via Losers with Socks and the Wizard of Odds: this year’s Wonderlic wunderkind hits a bit close to home, if rumor is to be believed. Chris Leak, walking under Jamarcus Russell and and under Brady Quinn’s huuuuuge pectoral muscles to get to the classroom, allegedly racked up a whopping ocho on the Wonderlic test, the professional football equivalent to an IQ test. (For those not in the know, ocho is Finnish for ‘not good.’)

Is Chris Leak Like Cameron Diaz in ‘In Her Shoes’? Pretty and literacy-problematic?

Remember that last year agents were having kittens over Vince Young scoring a six? This story is like that, but instead of a first-rounder, it’s over Chris Leak, a prospect whose most optimistic supporters would be thrilled at a solid NFL Europe run followed by a steady Arena Ball career. Leak clocked a 4.7 instead of his vaunted 4.5 (a number no one believed anyway,) measured up at sub six feet, and now racked up a number that, while still above this year’s low of 4 (some poor Iowa State running back, presumably caught in a revolving door at this very moment coming out of his hotel in Indianapolis,) reeks of “literacy problems.”

Could it be true? Sure. Leak had trouble reading defenses, didn’t blow doors on the SAT, and majored in the subject that gives Auburn Academic All-Americans: sociology. It’s entirely possible he got that score, as anyone who saw the pick at the 2:00 mark in the video below can attest.

Antwain Robinson can believe it, sure. But the test itself might have been a bit unfair to Leak, as the Wonderlic famously preys on its takers’ insecurities. It can be a veritable psychological torture run for players, and for a player known to shudder under pressure, it may have been too much for Leak. Just take a look at the EDSBS exclusive copy of the Wonderlic Leak took:
(more…)

We’ve said it before and wish to repeat the official stance of EDSBS vis-a-vis college football recruiting: it’s really, really creepy. For months–sometimes, years at a time, huge monied institutions buck their noses into the lives of 17 and 18 year old boys and woo them with everything except cash in an attempt to get them to sacrifice three or four years of their lives to play football and mum through a university education simultaneously. It’s a bit like watching a live-action re-enactment of Death In Venice, with universities playing the part of the aging pederast and the recruit being the young object of affection, but minus all the plague and effete homoeroticism. ( This is Amurrica, dammit. Even our homoeroticism needs to look like a Dodge Ram commercial. Heh: Ram.)

Young man, you’re so…pretty. Come dance for my university, please.

Rhetorical offramp: why, indeed, is recruiting so creepy? Begin with the drastic power differentials working here. Rex Grossman, for example, may have had the best recruiting process of any player we’d ever heard. Wealthy, relatively unnoticed by marquee programs, Grossman hurt for neither money nor personal opportunity. He just happened to enjoy playing football, and threw a wicked deep ball, a nice combo. He also had Bobby Knight pimping him to anyone who would listen, and when Steve Spurrier got a highlight tape, an offer came in a quiet, deliberate fashion.

Rex Grossman, too, had the ultimate setup for success once he arrived in Gainesville. Low-pressure reigned; not a blue-chipper, he could simply play and lie in the weeds waiting for Jesse Palmer to self-destruct at Mississippi State, racking up significant garbage time play in Spurrier-era blowouts. Rolling in it by any student standard, Grossman had the financial freedom to focus on whatever he chose to in his spare time, which by most accounts fell to the responsibility of mastering the EA NCAA games on several different game systems. Completely unpressured, Grossman thrived and grew into the role of a Heisman hopeful and eventual NFL draft pick.

Grossman, on the right: obviously not under a lot of pressure.

The one constant in this: money. Grossman succeeded because of the support he received from his parents, the relative lack of hype, and the dearth of expectations the environment placed on him once he arrived in Gainesville. (more…)

Some OSU fan feels pretty stupid for making this right about now.

HT: KD Godfrey.

Although not as stupid as Ginn’s teammates for crippling him.

Sometimes you’re the windshield. Sometimes you’re the bug. And sometimes you’re the bug who, after hitting the windshield, is immediately drowned in a bluish ammonia solution while still alive, tossed to the side by the edge of a wiper, and then run over while still weakly conscious by an onrushing semi.

Michigan’s been all three: windshield (most notoriously in the Yakety Sax Notre Dame game), bug (against Ohio State), and then mangled bug against USC. A 3-3 game at the half turned to a 32-18 loss of definitive nature. How, when Michigan seemed so poised to confound the BCS system with a potential dual claim to the national title, did Michigan get hammered so badly in a crucial spot?

Hypotheses, in order of probability.

Michigan couldn’t block. Like a heart attack: simple, fatal, and quick. On both sides of the ball Michigan slid backwards all day like they were on carpet skates. Our best guess why? USC’s stronger than Michigan, a hypothesis that will infuriate Michigan fans already fuming at their conditioning program, which has been described as being so antiquated we always imagine their facilities to look a lot like the video for “Physical” by Olivia Newton-John, though not as gay.

Culpability:Robert Blake-killing-his-wife certainty. You can see it all game long–USC’s pushing Michigan off the ball on nearly every play. Verifiable, doom-spelling, and damning.

Carpet skates: Michigan had them on at the Rose Bowl.

USC’s defense and Michigan’s offense= water, meet silver nitrate and magnesium. USC’s marauding, blitz-giddy defense and Michigan’s stodgy, run-first 1982 hottness attack probably meant disaster from the start. Michigan could not pass block. Michigan could not run block. Their counters to the pressure–screens and draws, just like Lee tells us to do on NCAA 2007–were eaten alive by linebackers. Slants, the great prophylaxis against blitzes in the passing game, either never happened or were never called.
Hot reads vanished in the fog of indecision and panic. All of that equalled a mini-Enschede for the Michigan offense, who came out flat and received zero help from playcalling or halftime adjustments.

Culpability: Super-string theory certain. Certainly sounds complex and interesting, and definitely requires an understanding of the subject we can’t possibly hope to have. Occam’s suspicious.

You’re living in your own private Enschede, Michigan.

Michigan got out-coached. Not really a point of debate. USC came out, racked up 16 points in the third, and changed what they were doing to win the game. Michigan’s offense tried to gamely keep up, but it was like watching a hippo run windsprints to see the Wolverine offense keep pace (or not) with USC. Waggle; run. Run; waggle. Michigan showed nothing new, showed no desire to destroy its opponent in its game-planning, and in total had us sounding like Merrill Hoge on the couch. (You must be a killer to play this game!!! A mad, bloodthirsty, hard killerman!!! Killerman yarrrrrrr!!!!)

By points alone USC’s halftime adjustments were at least twice as good as Michigan’s. Halftime adjustments for Carr mean a change of pants and a cup of coffee; for USC they meant redesign, a slew of new blitz looks, and taking more chances offensively in the name of forcing Michigan into a corner. It wasn’t rocket science; they just couldn’t guard Dwayne Jarrett, who solved the problem of the Cover 2 umbrella by sprinting straight through the gap in coverage and daring the Michigan secondary to knock him on his ass. Who dares wins–and USC did.

Culpability: Tommy Lee gave Pam Anderson Hep C Certainty. Certainly makes sense on a gut-level, right? Then again: unprovable, really. Maybe Michigan just didn’t execute all the great ideas Debord and English had. Then again: they’re responsible for getting those across, right? And really, Pam could have gotten that from any number of ex-boyfriends, right?

Pete Carroll was doin’ it for the kids in Darfur. You just can’t win a karmic battle with a noted humanitarian like Pete.

Culpability rating: Oh, like-gravity-certain. He’s out there right now in an old Huey dropping MREs into Burmese rebel camps while texting recruits on his Blackberry.

We like the top ten, at least. The rest, as usual, is a sad mess.

Rank	Team	Delta
1	Ohio State	—
2	Michigan	—
3	Southern Cal	—
4	Florida	—
5	Louisville	6
6	LSU	4
7	Oklahoma	7
8	Arkansas	3
9	Wisconsin	1
10	Rutgers	5
11	California	6
12	Auburn	4
13	West Virginia	6
14	Notre Dame	8
15	Texas	3
16	Tennessee	2
17	Nebraska	2
18	Boise State	5
19	Wake Forest	6
20	Texas A&M	6
21	Virginia Tech	1
22	Boston College	1
23	Georgia Tech	14
24	Hawaii	2
25	South Florida	1

Notes, Clarifications, and Mistakes We Made. Again.

–The hardest thing about hybrid polling–where you blend the results of matchups in the HYPOTHETICAL DEATH THEATER in your head plus a vague notion of a team’s absolute value at that point in the year–is settling on which factor to lean on for moving a team up or down.

Keeping USC at three instead of four makes the brain quake a little after watching Notre Dame blasted into teeny pieces by a team clearly intent on giving them a 10 point handicap. (The sign of a true predator: toying with its prey cruelly! The comment brought to you by David Attenborough.)

Playing with your food–something David Attenborough would approve of. Seen here vacationing with Ed Orgeron.

But yet…without a head to head or conference foes, we have to go on absolute valuation and their one shared opponent. (more…)

In the wake of Tuesday’s election news, one underreported story deserves mention: Alabama’s ongoing recount of points scored during their 24-16 home loss to Mississippi State last Saturday. Alabama requested the recount after reviewing game tape Saturday night.

Alabama coach Mike Shula says that while the game was a close one, he expects a recount to find the Crimson Tide victorious.

“I could have sworn we lost a couple of second quarter field goals in there somewhere. Or third quarter field goals. Whenever they were, they were definitely field goals, and we definitely made them,” said Shula in a teleconference early Wednesday morning. “We’re hanging tough and staying optimistic around here.”

Angry but optimistic: Shula files for a recount.

Stadium officials blamed the alleged miscalculations and ambiguities on the new digital scoring machines, which confused the elderly scoreboard operator, Jack Allster.

“It’s just so durned complicated, what with the buttons, and the numbers, and buttons. Where’s my old toggle switch? Where’s the old buzzers? Confound it…” said a visibly distraught Allster in a postgame interview.

SEC Commissioner Mike Slive said that while rare, point recounts were available in all games.

“Sometimes you just miss stuff. Like Tennessee ‘99, for example. They actually lost the SEC Championship game. If you go back and look at the tape, which clearly shows Arkansas scoring two tds in the third quarter. But people get excited and just miss a play or two, and lo and behold, you get human error putting a team in the championship.”

Slive then blanched and stammered, “Um, I shouldn’t have said that. Excuse me…”

Shula blames no one but himself for missing the alleged points miscalculation. “We kicked ‘em and then didn’t really notice that scoreboard didn’t change. (more…)