Everyday Should Be Saturday

June 12, 2008

CURIOUS INDEX, 6/12/2008

Morning, campers. Your token XX-chromosome sidekick has the run of the place through Monday. Got a tip? Graphic solicitation? Hateful screed to be considered for a future mailbag? (Coop, my darling, it’s been too long. You never call.) Contact info’s in the sidebar here. Hit me.

(Artist’s rendering of Orson Swindle, Esq. not to scale)

Even ESPN thinks “Football Championship Subdivision” is a stupid name. The WWL reports that Bill Curry, he of Georgia Tech, Alabama, Kentucky, and ESPN itself, will helm the incubating Georgia State football program and provides this giggly nugget: “The Atlanta school will begin play in 2010 in the division formerly known as I-AA and will play its home games in the Georgia Dome.” The next natural step is clearly the creation of an unpronounceable symbol to denote I-AA. Suggestions welcome, particularly those involving flightless birds.

Mis’sippy State’s off probation. Money quote: “Sherrill’s lawyer, Wayne Ferrell, didn’t return a message Wednesday. Neither did Sherrill.”

They’ll breed. You’ll die. Last year saw the emergence of the Northwestern band of brothers; this year’s new Miami hotness is a bumper crop of baby receivers out of St. Thomas Aquinas. The city continues to breed its football talent in convenient multi-pack form. Are they growing them in test tubes like Colquitts? Who knows, but [heavy-handed segue into joke about gerbils, which also multiply very quickly, in order to have an excuse to post this video containing that one gay bar song that appears by law at least four times a week on this site]:

(Not to pile on, but it’s the South Bend affiliate.) Anyone seen that episode of Sports Night where Danny gets emergency writer’s block and comes up with the sentence, “The Flyers played the Red Wings in a hockey game last night and they won 4-3″? OK, now read this. That is the gawkiest series of sentences I’ve ever seen on a professional media website, and not even because it’s about Eli Manning. Pepper The Notre Dame Comeback Dolphin bows his sleek head in weariness.

Rest easy, Dawg. Four-year Georgia QB and CFB Hall of Famer John Rauch died yesterday at the age of 80. Our condolences and best wishes to his family.


Filed under: Alabama man! he can drink he can bowl he can drink some, Blog Buddies, Coaches, the BCS, scandals, arrests, and other eccentri, DA U!!!, Notre Dame, blog people be like this MSM people be like this, this thing is like that other thing, vacation  by Holly

June 11, 2007

ON THE ROAD

We’re traveling back from Vegas as only we and the rest of the great, unwashed American masses can–in coach, bitches.

So we didn’t earn our own Caesar’s tracksuit with our “high rolling” (read: massive, reckless gambling losses.) But we did accomplish the following in two days of activity here in the silicone heart of America:

–Put forty very frightening and inaccurate holes in a burglar who looked a lot like Paul Rudd with a SAW at The Gun Shop.

–Watched with simultaneous arousal and fear as TCOAN–who has never picked up a gun in her life–put forty shots off a Beretta submachine gun into the face of her target. We married Valerie Plame and didn’t even know it. Must ask about this new “job…” (She is from Florida, thus should have a genetic talent for killing things dead.)

–Am still “up” as of this a.m., thanks to successfuly blackjack session at the glorious, filthy Casino Royale. The oxygen tank was free!

–Got remarried. (To the same woman, you cad.)

–Watched as Irishoutsider had a very, very bad finale to a disastrous weekend of wagering.

We’ll be somewhere over you today, noting up the Phil Steele Preview and praying for the much-delayed invention of the flying car. Back in force tomorrow.



Filed under: vacation  by Orson Swindle

May 23, 2007

THE WEEKEND THAT WILL BE: MEMORIAL DAY VACAY STARTS…

…nowish, actually. We’ll be up in the mountains of North Georgia this weekend, starting early tomorrow and doing absofuckinglutely nothing for five days that doesn’t involve Zubrowka Vodka, the liquor that ensures we never, ever forget Poland.

Tomorrow we’ll auto post LOLQBS and Texas Gal’s guide to making love to a Texas Longhorns fan–bring your spurs!–and Friday’s Cheesecake will also be, like your mother on New Year’s, pre-loaded. Other than that, there will be no manic in-day posting until Tuesday, as we are going to be sitting in a hot tub and re-reading Holidays in Hell and I Lived to Tell It All: The George Jones Story. Did you know kidnappers once tried to overdose George Jones by “forcing spoonfuls of cocaine” up his nose? Did you know that you can’t overdose George Jones? You do now.

We’ll attempt to overdose on lethargy over the next five days or so. Suspecting that it can’t be done, but we’ll try. And no, we’re not taking a bike. Those things will fucking kill you dead.

Man break bone die funny!

Take care, –O.



Filed under: vacation  by Orson Swindle

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