ONE WORD
Begin.
August 30, 2007
July 13, 2007
ONE MORE THING: BUY STOCK IN STEELE.
EDSBS Live. Tuesday. 7:30 p.m.
Phil. Steele.
Note: buy Phil new t-shirt.
You are not ready.
Filed under: playa from the himalaya, si si si!, toot toot beep beep, woo! by Orson Swindle
[ 31 Replies ]
July 12, 2007
THE EDSBS TOP 25, CONT’D: KELLS HELPS OUT WITH 4-6
The task of putting together a top 25 of any sort is stressful: frayed nerves, excessive caffeine and Ritalin consumption, the ever-present explosive gas…it’s like working in a cubicle with Katy Couric, actually, though without the constant reminders to get our colon checked yearly. (We do! By a guy named Stan in an alley in Macon! What?)
We therefore recruited help for 1-10 in the form of R. Kelly, who in addition to fucking the same girl happen to be huge college football fans with plenty of angles to cover on the upcoming season. The end product is so hot, it reminds us of our Jeep, because it makes us wanna ride.
See provisional 1-3 here, including our standard overreach for Michigan.
4. Texas. Is this a blind reach for a blue-chip program, or an actual stab at coherent forecasting? Considering that we’re reading Nassim Nicholas Taleb’s book Black Swan right now, we’ve been disabused of the notion of accurate forecasting and can happily toss this out there as a rank and giddy guess–since they’re all guesses that will inevitably be up to 180 degrees from what we thought would happen.
Colt McCoy: will be merely excellent this year, a letdown from 2006.
Nevertheless, Texas makes for solid guessing for good reason. The linebacking corps returns intact; the defensive line will feature defensive tackle Frank “The Subpoena” Okam, who along with his fellow d-lineman Derek Lokey is taking the LSAT in preparation to become a lawyer (and therefore a future reader of EDSBS.) Colt McCoy and his fake-ass assumed name (born Edwin Schlobodowitz, Poughkeepsie, NY) had the best freshman season in recent memory, insuring that whatever he does this season will be a letdown of some sort. We’d say he can’t be as good, but the Greg Davis offensive system remains a run first game, and Jamaal Charles et al constitute the usual nightmarishly talented Longhorn backfield to keep the pressure off McCoy. Limas Sweed, Quan Cosby, and Billy Pittman are already getting open as we speak, and there’s nothing you can do about it.
Kells:
Straight up, dog.
The Longhorns got that fevah,
cure pain like that Aleve-ah,
got tricks like up my sleev-ah.
That means I think they’ll win,
like 14 years old and slim,
I’ll want to meet her twin,
double up and ride on in.
Kells needs to mention a brand name,
some vehicle or champagne,
I think they’ll win okay, drink Perrier Jouet,
Now I mentioned my brand name,
and it was a type of champagne.
Kells on Texas: Straight up, dog.
5. LSU. Everyone else’s automatic number two winds up at six five here, mostly because we think this team just has two losses written all over it this year. Placing them at two requires taking certain factors as givens we’re not willing to grant, namely:
1. New offense, no problem=untrue. Jimbo Fisher can’t help but be overrated after the bidding war that ensued this offseason between FSU and Alabama, yet the dropoff between him and Gary Crowton must be noted. Crowton’s offenses at Oregon rang up huge numbers against the gnomes of the conference and sank when confronted with actual defenses. (more…)
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