I’ve already had one request this morning for “Tim Tebow Song,” a YouTube music video posted by a couple of enterprising Florida fans and currently spreading like chlamydia, no doubt, through cyberspace. After consulting my What Would Orson Do bracelet, I’ve determined that he would post it, if for no other reason than to torture you all like the filthy beggars you are. Herewith: “Tim Tebow Song.”

(Hat tip/blame: Senator Blutarsky, gouging out his eyes as we speak.)

Judging by the volume of email, it’s apparently news that the Tebow Child attended his very first NASCAR race this weekend, so here you go:

When asked if he was a racing fan, he flashed a big grin and replied, “I’m becoming one. This is my first race.”

“Some of them,” he said, almost embarrassed to talk about it. “I’ve gotten to meet some people, some really cool people.”

Why so shy, shrinking violet?  Could it be….this isn’t your first race?

[NAME REDACTED]:
Summer practice had me a blast
Didn’t know that we’d finish last
Didn’t know how bad we would be
Had to watch Urban win more than me
Summer dreams ripped at the seams
But oh… those summer nights…
[DANCE BREAK]

He scores touchdowns, he’s mastered the art of foreskin removal, he squats with the linemen…and now, Tim Tebow, attempting to drown his friend for giggles. We ask the the same question of him that we ask of bacon: is there anything you can’t do, sir?